‘The Space Hotel’ – Part One, Chapter 1

Hello everyone! 🙂

Welcome to ‘Bradley’s Basement’ blog and I’m Tim Bradley!

Today, it’s time to find out what happened to the Fifth Doctor, Nyssa and Billy after the Prologue in ‘The Space Hotel’. Let’s venture forth and see where our heroes end up at the Rotenhend Hotel 360 in Chapter 1. There they meet the hotel manager, Mr. Gordon Rotenhend with his wife Elizabeth.

Here is a brief summary of what ‘The Space Hotel’ is all about.

The TARDIS takes the Doctor, Nyssa and Billy to Rotenhend Hotel 360 in the 37th century. They meet a rude hotel manager and murders take place.

Enjoy!

Tim. 🙂


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1. The Space Hotel

SCENE #3 – EXT – ROTENHEND HOTEL 360 – 37TH CENTURY – N/A
In the far reaches of outer space in the 37th century, in the centre of the western sector of Zondor space, is a gigantic cube. The cube is gleaming silver and gold with triangular shells facing opposite each other, attached to the sides of the cube. Sticking out from the top is a gleaming silver cylinder with a small antenna attached to it. As the cube orbits in space like a space station, various space ships zoom through either docking or departing. This cube happens to be the space hotel of one Gordon Rotenhend and is called Rotenhend Hotel 360.


SCENE #4 – INT – LOBBY, LEVEL #1 – 37TH CENTURY – EVENING
Inside the hotel, in the lobby at reception on Level #1, Gordon Rotenhend slams his fist, angry and fuming.

GORDON
(shouts) “Joel! JOEL! Where is that nitwit son of mine?” (shouts louder) “JOEL! JOEL! WHERE ARE YOU?!”

His wife Elizabeth then enters.

ELIZABETH
(annoyed) “What’s the matter with you, Gordon? What are you shouting for?”

GORDON
(roars) “I want to know where that son of mine is! So that he can be here at reception!”

ELIZABETH
“Well use the sound speaker then? I mean it may not match to your loud mouth voice, but at least it’s hospitable to other guests!”

GORDON
(shouts) “What did you say?!”

Elizabeth flicks a switch and speaks into the intercom.

ELIZABETH
“This is reception! Calling Mr. Joel Rotenhend? Will Mr. Joel Rotenhend please attend to reception to take his duties, please?”

GORDON
(cries) “Meteorites and thunderstorms! Why is that son of ours so unreliable?”

ELIZABETH
“Maybe because you are, dear?”

GORDON
“Let’s not go into that again!”

ELIZABETH
“At least he’s charitable! Unlike some! You always think about class and fulfilling the status needs of the hotel!”

GORDON
(bitterly) “And I have every right too! The trash we get in here is so like dog’s muck and they can’t think to leave their rubbish in the bin! I want proper guests in my hotel! Not pathetic and incompetent like the ones we get here! I mean…just look at them when they approach the desk…and the questions they ask!”

A male guest then approaches reception.

MALE GUEST
“Excuse me?”

GORDON
(shouts) “What do you want?”

MALE GUEST
(nervously) “I-I-I-I-I-I…I um…I was wondering whether it’s possible to book for the swimming pool this afternoon!”

GORDON
(sighs) “The swimming pool complex is on the 7th level! You’ll find somebody down there to help you! If you’re lucky!”

MALE GUEST
(nervously) “Uh…thank you!”

The guest leaves rather shaken, as he goes to find the swimming pool complex.

ELIZABETH
(hisses) “If you keep on like that to our customers, we may not get any money at all!”

GORDON
“Why do you care about money, Elizabeth? Aren’t proper guests more important to you?”

ELIZABETH
“Yes they are! And you’ve just put one off!”

GORDON
“No, not that sort of guest! The real guests!”

ELIZABETH
“The real guests?”

GORDON
(shouts) “The real guests, woman! The guests with a touch of class! With titles, lordships, ladyships, scholars, rank! Those are the sort of people I’d like to have in my hotel!”

Just then, Admiral Brown enters.

ADMIRAL
“Morning, Rotenhend!”

GORDON
(over-politely) “Ah good morning, Admiral!”

ADMIRAL
“Morning, Mrs. Rotenhend!”

ELIZABETH
“Good evening, Admiral!”

ADMIRAL
“Is it?” (chuckles) “Oh yes, so it is!” (to Gordon) “Have you seen the papers, old chap? I’ve been looking all over for them!”

GORDON
“You’ve got them in your hand, Admiral!”

ADMIRAL
“Oh yes! I knew it was there all the time! See you later!”

The Admiral leaves.

GORDON
“Fine man!”

ELIZABETH
“Bit forgetful, isn’t he?”

GORDON
(shouts) “Don’t you say that about the admiral being forgetful!”

ELIZABETH
“I was only saying…”

GORDON
(shouts) “Well don’t! Do you understand?!”

ELIZABETH
“Yes alright, dear! You don’t have to keep shouting at me!”

GORDON
(shouts louder) “I can shout at you if I want to, can’t I? You’re my wife, aren’t you?”

Somebody then enters and Gordon and Elizabeth turn to look.

ELIZABETH
“Ah, there you are!” (to Gordon) “Gordon! This is the new waitress, Enuji from the Shera Coln! She’s here to replace that dreadful waitress we’ve had for the past three weeks!”

GORDON
“There was nothing wrong with that Annie girl! She was marvellous! Unlike you!”

ELIZABETH
“Gordon! She ate crisps!”

GORDON
(sobs) “I love crisps!” (to Enuji) “You! Girl! Get here!”

Enuji briskly makes her way to the reception desk, as she timidly looks at her formidable boss.

GORDON
(intimidating) “Right! Now listen to me! I want you to clear out the rubbish tips! Then I want you to make sure you familiarise yourself with the kitchens and dining room! Then get yourself ready to help out with the evening entertainment as it says in your contract! So get on with it and leave us alone.”

Moment of silence.

ENUJI
“Coo?”

GORDON
(gradually) “What?”

ENUJI
“Coo!”

GORDON
“Coo?”

ENUJI
“Wee!”

GORDON
“Wee? Coo wee? You just met me! Stop messing about!”

ENUJI
“Na, na, na! Coo waa!”

GORDON
“Coo waa?”

ENUJI
“Wee! Coo waa!”

GORDON
(gradually) “WEE COO WAA?!”

ENUJI
“Yeah!”

GORDON
“What do you mean, girl? What are you talking about?”

ENUJI
“Coo?”

GORDON
“Yes! We established that! Coo!”

ENUJI
“Wee coo waa!”

GORDON
“Don’t start that again!” (Pause) “I am your manager! Mr. Rotenhend!”

ENUJI
“Ah!”

GORDON
“Yes! That’s right, you’ve got it! I want you to do what I just said!”

ENUJI
“See badi”

GORDON
“What?”

ENUJI
“Badi!”

GORDON
(gradually) “What are you talking about, you piece of filth!” (to Elizabeth) “Elizabeth! There’s no point letting me deal with this girl! She doesn’t make any sense at all! She’s a wee coo waa see badi!”

ENUJI
“Agg badi!”

GORDON
“What are you talking about, girl?”

ELIZABETH
“It’s alright, Gordon!”

GORDON
“It’s not alright, dear!”

ELIZABETH
“Enuji comes from another planet! So they speak another language!”

GORDON
“So she doesn’t speak English?”

ELIZABETH
“Oh no! She does speak English?”

GORDON
“How much?”

ELIZABETH
“None.”

GORDON
(sighs) “I can see dead people!”

ENUJI
“Ah! Ded! Ded!”

Enuji laughs away, whilst Gordon is baffled and perplexed for a moment.

GORDON
“I’m going to make the announcement!”

ELIZABETH
“What announcement?”

GORDON
“The announcement I was going to do today, remember?”

ELIZABETH
(groans) “Oh yes. That announcement!”

GORDON
“Do me one thing, wife!”

ELIZABETH
“What’s that?”

GORDON
(shouts) “Get this girl out of my sight! I can’t stand her! Show her to her room!”

ELIZABETH
“Very well!” (to Enuji) “Come on, dear girl! I’ll take you to where you’ll be sleeping. Then I’ll show you around the hotel!”

ENUJI
“Oh! Thank you!”

GORDON
(shocked) “Eh?”

Elizabeth and Enuji leave, as Gordon presses a switch and makes his announcement on the tannoy.

GORDON
(raises voice; through tannoy) “Attention! Attention! Attention, you people! This is Mr. Rotenhend speaking – your hotel manager!”


SCENE #5 – INT – SWIMMING POOL #4, LEVEL #7 – 37TH CENTURY – EVENING
In swimming pool #4 of the swimming pool complex on Level #7, the guests who are enjoying the luxury of the swimming pool are interrupted, as they hear Mr. Rotenhend’s announcement on the tannoy.

GORDON (V’O)
(loudly) “Attention all, you people! If you have a care!” (Pause) “I’ve been working hard on this menu for dinner time! And it took me most of my breakfast to get it down! I haven’t even had my toast yet! So listen to what I have to say! And cheer once I’ve said it!” (Pause) “Now! Starter for today shall be either ‘soup of the day’ or ‘prawn cocktail’!”

Everyone in the swimming pool area cheers drearily.

GORDON (V’O)
(loudly) “Main course will be roast duck, fish platter or chicken combo?”

Everyone cheers drearily.

GORDON (V’O)
(loudly) “Desert will be…Oh, the corner of the page is torn off!”

Everyone cheers drearily.

GORDON (V’O)
(shouts; loudly) “No, no! Don’t cheer at that!” (Pause) “The desert will be…apple crumble or strawberry sundae!”

Moment of silence.

GORDON (V’O)
(shouts; loudly) “Well go on! Cheer!”

Everyone cheers drearily.

GORDON (V’O)
(loudly) “This will all be followed by cheese and biscuits and tea or coffee! Personally I don’t give anything for cheese! I hate cheese! I don’t see why anybody should have it!” (Pause) “Anyway, that’s the menu for dinner! I trust you shall like what’s on offer! If you don’t like it, tough! I shall look to see you all at lunch today! If you don’t like what we’ve got, you don’t get your money back! Announcement ends!”

Gordon cuts off, as he finishes on the intercom. Everybody gets back to their swimming, slightly annoyed by Gordon’s announcement. A couple named Joe and Jo discuss what they think of Mr Rotenhend.

JOE
“Bah, that Mr. Rotenhend’s got no sense! He’s just being prickly!”

JO
“Wouldn’t like to touch him!” (Pause) “Anyway! Let’s go for a swim!”

JOE
“Yeah sure! Why not!”

Both dive into the water to enjoy their swim.


SCENE #6 – EXT – BEACH (SIMI-SUITE #3) – 37TH CENTURY – EVENING
A while later, on a beach, the couple Jo and Joe are walking on the sand after having their meal at dinner. It’s night time on this beach. There is a sense of tranquility with moonlight shining and the stars out. The waves are heard crashing onto the shore. The couple walk barefoot on the beach.

JO
“Well! I must say, I didn’t enjoy that meal very much!”

JOE
“Neither did I, darling! That duck was all bones and grizzle I tell you!”

JO
“You did tell me!”

JOE
“Yes! And the custard on that apple crumble was like mustard!”

JO
“Yeah! The chips were like sticks and the beans bullets! If they can do that, then they shouldn’t do it!”

JOE
“Ah well! We’re out of here tomorrow! So we shouldn’t worry about it now!”

JO
(sighs) “The service at this hotel is terrible! Why, even that waitress wasn’t at all good! She kept mixing our plates up! I ended up having cold roast duck afterwards whilst you were having a nice fish platter!”

JOE
“Nice?”

JO
“You mean?”

JOE
“Yes! The oysters!”

JO
“Errgh! Horrible!”

Moment of silence.

JO
(puzzled) “What?”

JOE
“Do you remember the first time when we went to a hotel not like this? And you and I kissed for the first time?”

JO
“Yes I do. And you were very mischievous about it afterwards!”

JOE
“And I still am!”

Joe then snatches something from Jo and runs away with it.

JO
(cries) “Hey! That’s my feather bower! Give it back, Joe!”

JOE
“Not unless you catch it from me, Jo!”

JO
“Oh give it back!”

Joe laughs, as he runs away with Jo’s feather bower. Jo chases after him, as they both laugh.

JO
“Hey! Joe! Don’t go to the rocks!”

JOE
“We’ll have a kiss behind the rocks shall we, Jo?”

JO
“Joe?!”

Joe laughs, as he heads for the rocks. Jo follows after him, whilst the waves keep crashing up onto the shore.


SCENE #7 – EXT – BEACH (SIMI-SUITE #3) – 37TH CENTURY – EVENING
Behind the rocks, Jo runs up before she then stops to take a deep breath from running. She then looks up to see if she can find her boyfriend. But apparently he’s nowhere to be seen.

JO
(breathlessly; calls) “Joe! Where are you?” (Pause) “Come on, it’s cold here! And I know that’s how it should be at night, but I want to be warmed up back in my room soon!” (Pause) “Joe!”

Still no answer, as Joe is nowhere to be seen. Jo then walks forward to see if she can find him. She walks a fair distance with no success of finding him.

JO
(calls) “Joe!” (impatiently) “Come on, Joe! I’m tired! And that meal’s playing up with my stomach!”

She walks a bit further to continue her search.


SCENE #8 – EXT – GARDEN CANOPY – 37TH CENTURY – NIGHT (DREAM)
In this scene, Billy and Nyssa sit at a table underneath a canopy. They have a little dinner together. They put their cutlery down on the table once they’ve finished their meal. Nyssa picks up a glass and sips her drink. Berf Kaempferf’s melodic music plays in the background.

BILLY
“Do you want another refill with your glass, Nyssa?”

NYSSA
“No thanks, Billy. I found that meal rather filling.”

BILLY
“We certainly came to the right restaurant, didn’t we?!”

NYSSA
“Yes, we did!” (Pause) “We should get back to the Doctor soon.”

BILLY
“Oh! Must we?”

NYSSA
“Yes.”

Moment of silence.

BILLY
“You know something, Nyssa?”

NYSSA
“What?”

BILLY
“You have a lovely smile!”

NYSSA
(touched) “Thank you.”

Moment of silence.

BILLY
“Say. Do you mind if we have a photograph together?”

NYSSA
“No, that’s fine.”

BILLY
“Okay. Hang on. I’ll just set my camera to automatic and then I’ll come behind you.”

NYSSA
“Very well.”

Billy then places his camera on the table and presses a button as he sets the camera to automatic. The camera makes a beep once it’s ready.

BILLY
“Okay. I’m coming round now.”

Billy makes his way behind Nyssa, as he joins her in the photograph.

BILLY
(nervously) “Err…do you mind if I have my arm around you?”

NYSSA
“No, of course! Go ahead!”

BILLY
(pleased) “Thanks, Nyssa.”

Billy places his arm around Nyssa and both smile for the camera. The camera makes a whirring sound, before it flashes taking a picture of the two of them. Both relax.

NYSSA
“That’s great!” (Pause) “Billy? You’ve still got your arm around me!”

BILLY
“Yes. I have.”

Moment of silence. Billy then kisses Nyssa. Another moment of silence.

NYSSA
“Billy! You’ve just kissed me!”

BILLY
“Yes.”

NYSSA
(gradually) “Do it again.”

Billy kisses Nyssa again and both hug each other. As they kiss, a loud ringing echoes but it sounds distant. Then someone nearby speaks softly at first before becoming firmer.

DOCTOR
(distant) “Wake up, Billy! Wake up, Billy! Wake up, Billy!”


SCENE #9 – INT – ROOM #126, LEVEL #26 – 37TH CENTURY – MORNING
Billy soon wakes up, as what has just happened with him and Nyssa has all been a dream. Billy shoots up from his bed, as he hears his alarm clock going off. He reaches out his arm to switch off his alarm clock and knocks it to the floor. The clock stops ringing.

BILLY
“Whoops!”

Billy then looks to see the Doctor standing there.

DOCTOR
(relieved) “Ah! So you’re awake at last! Fancy sleeping away like that and with your alarm clock going off! I thought you were dead!”

BILLY
(agitated) “Thank you for your concern, Doctor!” (annoyed) “I was having a nice sleep…and a lovely dream!”

DOCTOR
“Well, Billy! You had your dream and you had your sleep! It’s time you woke up! You can’t sleep all day with nothing to do!”

BILLY
(sighs) “Oh alright! I’ll get up!” (Pause) “Where’s Nyssa?”

DOCTOR
“She’s just having a shower!”

BILLY
“Well I think I’ll have one!” (apprehensively) “Not with her by the way, Doctor. In case you were wondering?”

DOCTOR
“The thought never entered my head, Billy!”

BILLY
“Will she be having breakfast?”

DOCTOR
“Yes. Once she’s finished in the shower!”

BILLY
“Shouldn’t you be having breakfast?”

DOCTOR
“I’ve had my breakfast five minutes ago! I had a nice bowl of corn flakes, buttered toast and a cup of tea!”

BILLY
“How very nice!” (Pause) “You didn’t even ask about my dream, Doctor?”

DOCTOR
“Oh sorry, Billy! What was your dream about?”

BILLY
(hesitates) “Never mind.”

Billy gets himself out of bed, as he is about to get himself ready for the day.


SCENE #10 – EXT – ROOM #126 PATIO, LEVEL #26 – 37TH CENTURY – MORNING
A while later, Nyssa is having breakfast out in a patio area, where the birds are singing and a swift breeze occurs in the air. Nyssa picks up a glass of orange juice from the table, as she takes a sip. Billy then enters, as he finds Nyssa sitting there. He’s nervous at first, but goes over to sit next to her.

BILLY
(nervously) “Good morning, Nyssa!”

NYSSA
“Good morning, Billy! Did you sleep well?”

BILLY
(dreamily) “Oh yes! Nicely sleepy, thanks!”

NYSSA
“The Doctor told me you had a lovely dream.”

BILLY
(apprehensive) “Yes…I did.”

NYSSA
“Yes?”

BILLY
(gradually) “Uh…what’s for breakfast?”

NYSSA
“Cereal. Toast. And a pot of tea if you like. Or you could have the healthy option which is fruit salad and orange juice which I’m having!”

BILLY
“Uh…if it’s all the same to you, I’d rather have the toast and tea really.”

NYSSA
“Suit yourself.”

Billy helps himself, as he takes some toast and begins to butter it. Just then, the Doctor enters as he carries a newspaper underneath his arm.

DOCTOR
(cheerfully) “Hello, you two!”

BILLY
“Oh morning, Doctor!”

NYSSA
“Good morning, Doctor! Is that the morning newspaper?”

DOCTOR
“It is!”

NYSSA
“Do you think you’ll be able to find out what you’re looking for?”

DOCTOR
“I hope so. Though the news for this sector of the galaxy takes a long while to compile, which explains for that…frustrating delay for the newspapers to get here! But if I can, I should find out what caused the TARDIS to come here!”

The Doctor opens the newspaper and it expands outwards.

DOCTOR
“And the newspaper is larger than life!”

The Doctor scrunches the newspaper.

DOCTOR
“I suppose that’s what comes from collecting news for the whole of the Zordor galaxy which we’re in!”

The Doctor continues sorting out his newspaper. He attempts to read it, despite the size of it.

BILLY
“There’s something I don’t quite understand.” (Pause) “If this hotel is in space, how come we get to have the outdoor environment of a hotel say in Las Vegas? And the cool morning weather seems as realistic as it can be! How can all of this happen in a structure in space?”

NYSSA
(matter-of-factually) “Holographic simulation, Billy!”

BILLY
“Sorry?”

Nyssa then picks up a remote control from the table, as she is about to demonstrate to Billy.

NYSSA
“This hotel has holographic emitters attached in specific locations. According to the brochure, we can control the state of our room according to parameters and design specifications desired.” (Pause) “You see the clear sky and patio we’re sitting on?”

BILLY
“Yeah?”

NYSSA
“Well with this remote control, I can reprogram the setting of the scenario.” (Pause) “So, I could either have this simulation to be cloudy.”

Nyssa presses a button on the remote, with a buzz from it, and the weather changes from sunny to cloudy .

NYSSA
“To very cloudy.”

Buzz. Weather changes to very cloudy.

NYSSA
“To thunder and lightning!”

Buzz. Weather becomes horrendous with loud sounds of thunder and lightning. Billy is nervous, whilst the Doctor is slightly annoyed.

NYSSA
“To rain and wind!”

Buzz. Weather changes to a furious wind and raining pouring down.

DOCTOR
(frustrated) “Nyssa! I appreciate this invigorating demonstration, but I’m trying to read here! Get rid of this rain!”

NYSSA
“Sorry, Doctor!”

Nyssa presses a button on her remote which shifts back to normal sunny morning weather.

NYSSA
“And back to morning sunny weather.” (Pause; to Billy) “That’s how you do it, Billy!”

BILLY
“Yes! But I don’t understand how all of this can be possible! Inside the hotel! It’s mind-boggling!”

NYSSA
“It’s technological innovation. The technology of a future Earth society would be considered highly advanced by this time. Block-transfer computation would be susceptible.”

Whilst Billy is confused, the Doctor turns the page of his newspaper before spotting something shocking.

DOCTOR
“Oh no!”

NYSSA
“What is it, Doctor? Have you found something?”

DOCTOR
“There was a cricket match on the planet N in this galaxy three light weeks ago! And I missed it!”

BILLY
“They still play cricket in the thirty-seventh century?”

DOCTOR
“Of course they do, Billy! You wouldn’t think they’d stop playing it, would you?”

BILLY
“Well, I would have thought it would be an old-fashioned game by this point.”

DOCTOR
(shocked) “Old-fashioned?! Old-fashioned?! Let me tell you young man, that I’ve considered cricket to be the best sport in a long stream of causal reality! And never have I thought it to be considered old-fashioned!”

NYSSA
“Doctor, stop it! Have you found anything related to the TARDIS being drawn here? Transdimensional magnetism?”

DOCTOR
“No, I haven’t!”

The Doctor scrunches up his newspaper and throws it to the floor. Just then, the whole patio and weather background shudder and phase in and out, as the Doctor, Nyssa and Billy hold onto the table. Everything seems to be flaring around them. Their voices become distorted as they speak.

NYSSA
“The holographic projectors! This simulation’s being distorted!”

DOCTOR
“Yes! Something’s upset them!”

NYSSA
“Could it be some form of external radiation or stellar interference?”

BILLY
“Are we in danger?”

DOCTOR
“Could be? We’d better move!”

But before they can move, the phasing and shifting stops and everything goes back to normal. Something then falls over, as the Doctor lets out a gasp of pain. Nyssa and Billy meanwhile are recovering from the strange experience.

BILLY
“Nyssa? Are you alright?”

NYSSA
(reassuringly) “I’m fine, Billy!” (to Doctor) “Doctor?” (gasps) “Oh, Doctor! That teapot just went on your trousers!”

DOCTOR
(in pain) “Yes, Nyssa! Thank you for noticing!”

BILLY
“Are you hurt?”

DOCTOR
(wryly) “No, no, not at all! Nothing but a few burns on the upper part of my legs! But no! No collateral damage done!”

The trio become unsettled by the experience they’ve had, as they wonder what’s going on. A faint alarm goes off from a distance where the Doctor, Nyssa and Billy are.


SCENE #11 – INT – LOBBY, LEVEL #1 – 37TH CENTURY – MORNING
In the lobby of the hotel on Level #1 however, the alarm blares off all over the place and Gordon Rotenhend is not happy at all.

GORDON
(shouts) “Idiots! Numskulls! What is going on?! As manager of this hotel, I demand to know what’s causing these flipping alarms to go off!” (shouts louder) “Elizabeth?! Elizabeth?!”

Elizabeth then enters.

ELIZABETH
“Gordon!”

GORDON
“Spare me the pleasantries, Elizabeth! Just tell me what happened!”

ELIZABETH
“What pleasantries? And I don’t know what’s happened! I’m on my way now! So let’s go now!”

Elizabeth leaves.

GORDON
(grunts) “Sour hag!”

Just then somebody approaches the reception desk.

LADY MITE
“Excuse me? I was wondering…”

GORDON
“Uh hello! Can’t you see I’m busy?! We’ve just had a disaster here!”

LADY MITE
“Yes, I understand that!”

GORDON
“And if you want a room then tough! You’ll have to wait!”

Gordon picks up a form and places in front of Lady Mite on the desk.

GORDON
“Fill this form in, please!”

LADY MITE
“Well yes, I do want a room. You see my name’s Lady Mite and I’d like to stay here for a few nights…”

GORDON
“I don’t care who you are, whatever your stupid name…” (realises; changes tone; politely) “Hello, your ladyship! How nice to meet you! Welcome to Rotenhend Hotel 360! If there’s anything I can do, then I’ll be glad to help out!”

LADY MITE
“Well, thank you. Err…you said this form…”

Gordon snatches the form from Lady Mite.

GORDON
“Oh please! Don’t bother with that!” (Pause) “Well, what room do you fancy? Would you like a single? Double? Suite? We have some lovely suites of any kind you like…”

LADY MITE
“Well a suite would be very nice, thank you!”

GORDON
“Of course. Most admirable of course, my lady…”

LADY MITE
“Mite.”

GORDON
“Mite. My Lady Mite. I’ll just enter you in our room database on the screen here!”

Gordon then presses a few buttons on a pad as he enters the details of Lady Mite registered in a suite.

GORDON
“There you are!”

Enuji then enters.

GORDON
(grimly) “Oh! The alien waitress!” (to Enuji) “Err. Enuji? Would you take her ladyship Mite’s cases to Flower Suite 14 please?”

ENUJI
“Coo?”

GORDON
(gradually) “Take…cases…to…Flower…Suite…14…please!”

Moment of silence.

ENUJI
(confused) “Err…vosga!”

GORDON
(sighs) “Oh come on! It’s as simple as it looks, isn’t it?! Take the cases to Flower Suite 14!”

ENUJI
“Coo?”

GORDON
(shouts) “Take cases now!”

LADY MITE
“Uh Mr. Rotenhend, perhaps I can help!”

GORDON
“What?”

LADY MITE
(to Enuji) “Err, Enuji. Cess la mow el vies a coquito parka gore lake am per tier, nadir gaji gaji bam bam!”

Enuji clasps her hand in joy.

ENUJI
(laughs) “Bosi mit las mow gaqi!”

LADY MITE
“Ah…turi bosi mit un checi par grondon! En far nos da per gack goera lake is!”

ENUJI
“Moo Moo be! Quq ra feri dap!” (laughs) “Una!”

LADY MITE
“Una, Enuji!”

Enuji then picks up Lady Mite’s cases, as she takes them to her suite. Lady Mite chuckles as she turns back to Gordon.

GORDON
(amused) “That was impressive, your ladyship!”

LADY MITE
“Thank you. Perhaps I can teach you that!”

GORDON
“Are you from Enuji’s home then, if it’s not a rude question?”

LADY MITE
“No, I’ve visited Shera Coln many times! And have talked to its people! Really nice bedfellows!”

GORDON
“Nice? Well…it’s not what you know! It’s who you know!”

LADY MITE
(chuckles) “That is certainly true!” (Pause) “I’d better go before Enuji misplaces my valuable luggage!”

GORDON
“Oh please do. I mean…I haven’t known Enuji for very long! But I imagine she’s a monkey!”

LADY MITE
“See you later!”

GORDON
“See you later, my lady!”

LADY MITE
“Bye.”

GORDON
“Bye.”

Lady Mite follows after Enuji with her luggage, whilst Gordon remains at reception rather pleased with himself.

GORDON
(happily) “Oh…such…class. Such…distinction!”

Elizabeth then returns.

ELIZABETH
“Gordon!”

GORDON
“Yes.”

ELIZABETH
“Someone’s crashed a spaceship into the rear hull of the hotel!”

GORDON
“Good.” (realises; shouts) “What?!”

ELIZABETH
“Two men have crashed a spaceship into the hotel and it’s ended up halfway through the cargo bay!”

GORDON
(shouts) “Rockets and cat suits! Are those men lunatics and hooligans?! I’m going down there to sort them out!”

ELIZABETH
“No, Gordon! Those men are under enough rubble anyway! And it’s heavy! Even your loud mouth can’t rush it away!”

GORDON
“Loud mouth?”

ELIZABETH
“I’ll send Bruce to help them out!”

GORDON
“Oh no! Not Bruce!”

ELIZABETH
“Yes, Gordon! Bruce!” (calls) “Bruce!”

Mechanics then whir away, as a mechanical man approaches the reception desk very slowly. Bruce the andriod stops and begins to speak.

BRUCE
“I didn’t have much sleep last night. Could I have some more sleep please?”

ELIZABETH
“No you can’t! You’ve got a job to do!”

BRUCE
“And what a job is it? Slave labour! No job satisfaction!”

GORDON
“You want job satisfaction? Try and be a hotel manager?”

ELIZABETH
(sharply) “Gordon! You’re spoiling things!”

GORDON
“Seems like a good thing to do!”

ELIZABETH
“Now, Bruce! You will do this little job for us, won’t you?”

BRUCE
“I suppose so. What do you want me to do?”

ELIZABETH
“Go down to Cargo Bay 4 and help with getting a few men out of the rubble of the spaceship they’ve crashed into our hotel! Then bring them to the reception desk!”

BRUCE
“Just that?”

ELIZABETH
“Yes.”

BRUCE
“Can’t I just play tennis or play cards with myself?”

GORDON
“No you can’t! Those men are spoiling my hotel with their ship smashed in the wall like that! Now go, android! Go!”

BRUCE
(sighs) “Okay! I’ll go!”

ELIZABETH
“Well done, Bruce.”

BRUCE
“I’m not happy you know!”

GORDON
“Neither am I!”

BRUCE
“Good. That makes me feel better!”

Bruce the android departs as he goes off to Cargo Bay 4, leaving Gordon and Elizabeth at the reception desk.

GORDON
“Do we have to keep that robot with us?”

ELIZABETH
“Yes. Remember what its owner said?”

GORDON
“But it’s metal! I hate metal!”

ELIZABETH
“This hotel’s metal though?”

GORDON
“Yes. But at least this place has cushions, settees, beds and holographic simulations to provide those cushions, settees and beds! Unlike our hotel guests! Who are so pathetic and dull!”

The Admiral then enters.

ADMIRAL
“Papers arrived yet, Rotenhend?”

GORDON
(sharply) “Not yet!” (corrects himself) “Err not yet, Admiral!”

ADMIRAL
“Okay! Okay!”

The Admiral leaves.

ELIZABETH
“You really are soulless, Gordon!”

GORDON
“Get stuffed!”

ELIZABETH
“Why you?”

Elizabeth slaps Gordon on the face to which he reacts in pain.

GORDON
(in pain) “Ow!” (Pause) “Oh that’s nice!”


TO BE CONTINUED…


© Tim Bradley, 2016

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This entry was posted in Comedy, Doctor Who, Fan Fiction, Nyssa, The Fifth Doctor by Tim Bradley and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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