‘The Space Hotel’ – Part One, Chapter 2

Hello everyone! 🙂

Welcome to ‘Bradley’s Basement’ blog and I’m Tim Bradley!

If you’re enjoying your time with the Fifth Doctor, Nyssa and Billy so far at ‘The Space Hotel’, then it’s time to find out what happens to them in Chapter 2 of the story. Who has crashed into the Rotenhend Hotel 360? Will Gordon Rotenhend go boiling mad when he meets the people? Find out!

Here is a brief summary of what ‘The Space Hotel’ is all about.

The TARDIS takes the Doctor, Nyssa and Billy to Rotenhend Hotel 360 in the 37th century. They meet a rude hotel manager and murders take place.

Enjoy!

Tim. 🙂


chuckle brothers

2. Cooper and Hill

SCENE #12 – INT – CARGO BAY #4, LEVEL #81 – 37TH CENTURY – MORNING
Electrics and sparks fly about as people help with sorting the rubble piled around the spaceship that has crashed into Cargo Bay #4. This ship happens to be a space freighter. There is a lot of hustle and bustle, as the hotel staff and crewmen sort things out.


SCENE #13 – INT – LARRY’S FREIGHTER – 37TH CENTURY – MORNING
In the cockpit of the freighter, two bumbling businessmen are inside. They have the reputation of being a future ‘Laurel & Hardy’. They’re called Larry Cooper and Bob Hill. Larry is very frustrated at having his own space freighter smashed through the hotel walls.

LARRY
“Well this is nice fine mess, isn’t it?! We’ve come here to spend a nice time in a hotel by the book, and we crash through a wall on our first day! I told you we should have listened to the docking instructions more carefully!” (Pause) “Bob? Bob, are you listening to me?”

BOB
“Oh dear. Bertie’s being told off by Spode!”

LARRY
“Never mind your ‘Code of the Woosters’ book, Bob! We’ve got plenty of time for that! What will the manager say?”

BOB
“Quite a lot I should imagine!”

LARRY
“I hope our business partner won’t have to wait long for us to get out of this!”

BOB
“Oh don’t worry, Larry! I should imagine she’ll be having her fish and chips! I can smell them from the stratosphere of a two tonned comet!”

LARRY
“Fish and chips! Don’t you ever think of anything else, Bob?”

BOB
“Yes I do, Larry!”

LARRY
“Oh really? What?”

BOB
“Pie and chips!”

LARRY
(sighs) “How’s our youngster in the back? Is he alright?”

BOB
“Yeah he’s fine, Larry! Bit green though!”

LARRY
“Well of course he’s green! He’s just been in space, you idiot!” (Pause) “I hope the things we’ve got to show to our fine client haven’t been damaged! What did you do with the stuff, Bob?”

BOB
“Eh?”

LARRY
“What did you do with the stuff?”

BOB
“I put it in with your luggage?”

LARRY
“Oh I see!” (Pause; shocked) “What?! Have I been carrying your luggage all the time then?”

BOB
(cheeringly) “Yes.”

LARRY
“No wonder it was a hard job at the stellar port! I’m not fat! Next time, take your stinking stuff in your own bags!”

BOB
“I can’t!”

LARRY
“Why not?”

BOB
“I left my bags at home when we left!”

LARRY
“Oh! What am I going to do with you?”

The passenger in the back suddenly wakes up, as he come round from his sleep. The passenger happens to be a young man named Joel. Larry and Bob notice that he’s woken up.

BOB
“Oh look! Look, Larry! He’s waking up!”

LARRY
“Ah!” (to Joel) “Hello lad! You alright?”

JOEL
“No, I’m not! I’m dizzy and fed up! And not to mention this place stinks!”

BOB
“Ah! That was me! Sorry!”

LARRY
“Bob! Stop that!”

BOB
“I can’t help it! I’m not used to flying these crates!”

LARRY
“This is not a crate! Anyway it was my freighter! You had no right to fly it!”

Someone flies up from outside. Bob and Larry look to see someone on rockets looking in at them from the window outside. It is Bruce the android.

BRUCE
“You had no right to fly in at all. It was rather stupid.”

BOB
“Larry! There’s a robot outside!”

BRUCE
“Android! Why does everybody keep confusing me with a robot? I’m an android for pity’s sake. Not that I’m bothered much with people mistaking me for one. I usually would prefer to be a robot than look like all you humans. Oh I’m so tired.”

LARRY
“Had bad nightmares then?”

BRUCE
(groans) “Oh if only I had! Are you booking a room here by any chance?”

BOB
“We had thought to. Before we crashed in here!”

BRUCE
“Well when you do, could you swap my room with yours? My room’s so terrible! So, so, so, so, so, so…and so, so, so, so….what’s the word I’m looking for?”

BOB
(thinks) “Um? Terrible?”

BRUCE
“I was going to say that! Why do humans always finish what I’m going to say? I’m supposed to be superior in many ways, aren’t I?”

JOEL
(interrupts) “Cut the chat will you Bruce and get us out of this dump?”

BRUCE
“Yes, Master Rotenhend!”

BOB
“Master?”

LARRY
“Are you in charge of this place, lad?”

JOEL
“Don’t call me, lad! And no I’m not!”

LARRY
“Ah well! Glad to meet you anyway! I’m Mr. Larry Cooper and this is my partner, Mr. Bob Hill! Say hello, Bob Hill!”

BOB
“Hello Bob Hill!”

LARRY
“Oh I can’t take you anywhere!”

JOEL
“If you two are thinking of staying at this place…you’d better watch out for my father! He can really shout your head off!”

BOB
“Like I said, Larry! He’ll have quite a lot to say I imagine!”

Larry, Bob and Joel wait patiently, as Bruce the android and many others help sort out the rubble and mess in the space craft.


SCENE #14 – INT – CORRIDOR, LEVEL #26 – 37TH CENTURY – MORNING
Meanwhile the Doctor, Nyssa and Billy walk down a corridor after leaving their room.

NYSSA
(curiously) “Where are you going, Doctor?”

DOCTOR
“To the lobby! I want to find out from reception what caused that malfunction in our room!”

NYSSA
“Could this relate to how the TARDIS got here?”

DOCTOR
“I don’t think so. But it could be a link to what’s going on with the TARDIS. The littlest things are often the cause for the greatest disasters. And I definitely would like to see someone about my trousers after that tea spillage!” (to Billy) “And Billy, you’re just not listening to me! You’re just staring into space!”

NYSSA
“Billy?”

Billy is transfixed when he looks out of a hotel window.

DOCTOR
(shouts) “Billy!”

Billy is startled before he calms down.

BILLY
(startled) “Yes. Sorry, Doctor. It’s…its just amazing! We’re in space! After all those space missions I saw on TV, they’ve finally managed to do it!” (Pause) “It’s wonderful!”

DOCTOR
“Yes. I really appreciate your enthusiasm Billy, but I really need to…

NYSSA
“It is wonderful! It’s easy to forget when you see wonderful things as this!”

DOCTOR
“Nyssa!”

NYSSA
“What?”

DOCTOR
“We haven’t got time for this! I need to see someone about my trousers! I hope to get compensation for this!”

NYSSA
“There’s no need to fuss over a pair of trousers, Doctor!”

DOCTOR
(shocked) “No need to fuss!”

A radio noise blares out, as someone speaks on the tannoy. It is Gordon Rotenhead, who is irritated and annoyed.

GORDON (V’O)
(loudly) “Attention! Attention all, you bozos and nitwits! This is Mr. Rotenhend, manager of Rotenhend Hotel 360 speaking! So shut up and listen to me while I’m talking to you! Okay!”

BILLY
(startled) “What was that?”

NYSSA
“It sounds like Mr. Rotenhend, the hotel manager is about to make another announcement. Though he does shout a lot.”

DOCTOR
“Let’s hear what he has to say!”

The trio listen in, as Gordon continues speaking on the tannoy.

GORDON (V’O)
“Now just to inform you, a space freighter flown by a couple of lunatics has just crashed into this finely established hotel…unfortunately!” (Pause) “Welcome to those who have just crashed into my hotel wall in the cargo bay, whoever you are! Before I start I just want you to know that I’m not happy!” (raises voice) “I’ve worked hard getting this hotel running and I don’t see why new guests have to come here and keep on messing my life whilst I’ve got too much work to do! [I’m having a wasteful and very unhappy marriage at the moment! And I don’t see why everybody should be enjoying themselves all the time while I worry! Furthermore I don’t see why people expect me to be hospitable; helpful and charmingly friendly when I’m trying to run a hotel. All you do is stick your noses into every corner and looking for plenty of things to complain about, don’t you?…]”

Whilst Gordon makes this unfriendly announcement, the Doctor, Nyssa and Billy debate.

DOCTOR
“Well at least we know what happened when the tea spilled on me!”

NYSSA
“Do you still intend to go to the lobby, Doctor?”

DOCTOR
“Yes I do.”

NYSSA
“You won’t get much from the hotel staff. Especially not from that hotel manager!”

DOCTOR
“No I won’t. But at least I can get my curiosity sorted if I ask the properly considered questions in mind!”

BILLY
“And what questions are you going to ask them, Doctor?”

DOCTOR
“I don’t know. I haven’t considered them properly yet.”

BILLY
“Well shall I arrange an outing or something in one of those fantasy make-believe rooms or something?”

NYSSA
“They’re called simi-suites, Billy.”

BILLY
“Alright, simi-suites! I’ve still got my camera. We can go out and enjoy ourselves for a bit whist we’re still here at the hotel!”

DOCTOR
“This isn’t a holiday, Billy! We could be in serious danger for all we know if we stay here!”

NYSSA
“But we can try and blend in with what the other guests are doing, Doctor. We can avoid being suspicious-looking to the naked eyes of other guests!”

DOCTOR
“Fair point!” (Pause; to Billy) “Alright, Billy. You and Nyssa sort out something one of the simi-suites and I’ll join you as soon as I can! I’ll let you know of anything strange or suspicious.”

NYSSA
“Yes, Doctor!”

BILLY
“That’s fine by me!”

DOCTOR
“Good.”

They listen in, as Gordon finishes his announcement on the tannoy.

GORDON (V’OVER)
“[…Now as you are all aware, the Weerds are coming to visit my spectacularly amazing and five-star if not ten-star hotel.] So please do be nice and friendly to the Weerds when they arrive soon, who have less fun appeal as a Piratin’s ompsadaysy! Right I’ve finished. So you can get back to…whatever you want to do! Okay! And I’ll kill you if you found my announcement boring!”

Gordon finishes, cutting and switching off from the intercom.

BILLY
(sarcastically) “Pleasant fellow, isn’t he?!”

NYSSA
(wryly) “Very pleasant.”

DOCTOR
“Right! I’ll see you two later!”

NYSSA
“Take care, Doctor!”

DOCTOR
“I will.”

The Doctor departs, as Billy and Nyssa are left together.

BILLY
“Right. Now how shall we arrange a visit to one of the…simi-suites?”

NYSSA
“We can try this interface on the wall! It can help with any queries through voice activation.”

BILLY
“Okay. I’ll see if I can switch it on!”

They go to the interface on the wall.

NYSSA
“Billy, wait! Perhaps I’d better do it! I might know how to operate that interface more effectively than you do!”

BILLY
(reassuringly) “No, it’s alright. I’ll do it.”

NYSSA
“But Billy…”

Billy attends to the interface.

BILLY
“Now, let’s see which button to press. Eeny meeny miny mo!”

Billy presses a button. A female computer voice speaks.

COMPUTER VOICE
“Room service.”

BILLY
(panics; to computer) “Oh no! No, no, no! I don’t want room service, thank you!”

COMPUTER VOICE
“Room service.”

NYSSA
(to computer) “We wish to book a simi-suite!”

COMPUTER VOICE
“If you require room service, press ‘TALK BACK’ on your interface.”

BILLY
(baffled) “Talk back?” (to Nyssa) “Talk back, Nyssa?”

NYSSA
“It’s that button there, Billy!”

BILLY
“Oh right.”

Billy presses the ‘talk back’ button on the interface.

BILLY
(to computer) “Uh, hello. I’d like to arrange a booking for one of the…err…”

NYSSA
“Simi-suites!”

BILLY
(to computer) “Simi-suites, please!”

COMPUTER VOICE
“This is room service.”

BILLY
(agitated, to computer) “Yes, I know that! You told us that already for goodness sake!”

NYSSA
(to Billy) “It’s a computer, Billy. It won’t understand your agitation!” (to computer) “How do we book for one of the simi-suites?”

COMPUTER VOICE
“For simi-suite booking, please access simi-suite book on fifty-ninth level!”

BILLY
(to computer) “Thank you.” (confused) “Um, how do we access the simi-suite book?”

COMPUTER VOICE
“Access simu-suite interface on fifty-ninth level!”

BILLY
(to computer) “And where is the interface?”

COMPUTER VOICE
“On the fifty-ninth level!”

BILLY
(slightly annoyed, to computer) “And where is the fifty-ninth level?”

COMPUTER VOICE
“Seven levels down where you are!”

BILLY
(sighs, to computer) “Thanks very much! Signing off from here. Over and out”

Billy then switches off the ‘talk back’ button.

BILLY
(annoyed, to Nyssa) “Why couldn’t she say go down to the fifty-ninth floor! That would have been much easier to understand!”

NYSSA
“Voice-activated computers are precise and specific on what they say, Billy. They just state specific details.”

BILLY
“It’s more like reading from a textbook!”

NYSSA
“I think we’d better go to the fifty-ninth floor!”


SCENE #15 – INT – LOBBY, LEVEL #1 – 37TH CENTURY – MORNING
Back at reception in the lobby on Level #1, Gordon is there fuming about the incident with the freighter crashing into his hotel. Elizabeth is with him at reception.

GORDON
“Builders.” (shouts) “Builders!”

ELIZABETH
“You get what you pay for, Gordon! If we’re going to have that hole fixed…”

GORDON
(shouts) “I don’t see why it’s got to be fixed! I’m not having builders in my hotel! They do their…things whenever they’re about!”

ELIZABETH
“The hotel was bound to get damaged anyway, Gordon!”

GORDON
“Woman! Have you ever considered the fact that builders might be expensive?”

Moment of silence.

ELIZABETH
“Not really, no!”

GORDON
(shouts loudly) “NO!!! And why not? Because you always go for Rothenberg! He’ll do a good job!”

ELIZABETH
“Well that’s what we want, isn’t it? We don’t want a badly built hotel, do we? Rothenberg’s a professional! Unlike that Spacey man!”

GORDON
“Spacey will do a good job as well!” (Pause) “And at a very low price!”

Enuji then enters, carrying a tray.

ENUJI
“Voom service! Voom service!”

ELIZABETH
(to Enuji) “Err, Enuji! Come here!”

Enuji approaches reception.

ENUJI
“Wee?”

ELIZABETH
“It’s room service!”

ENUJI
(thinks) “Vroom service!”

ELIZABETH
“No, Enuji! Room, room! Rrr, rrr!”

ENUJI
“Room, room! Rrr, rrr!”

ELIZABETH
“Yes, that’s it! That’s it!”

ENUJI
“Ah! Room servise!”

ELIZABETH
“Never mind!”

GORDON
“And girl!” (slowly) “There is too much ketchup in those hot dogs!”

ENUJI
“Coo?”

GORDON
“There is too much ketchup in those hot dogs!”

ENUJI
“Coo?”

GORDON
“There is too much…oh forget it!” (to Elizabeth) “You Elizabeth sort this brat out!”

There’s a loud ding-ding from the reception desk bell that makes Gordon jump.

GORDON
(startled) “What’s that?!”

Gordon looks to see the Doctor at the reception desk, as he’s just rung the bell.

DOCTOR
“Excuse me?”

GORDON
“What do you want?”

DOCTOR
“Are you sure this hotel’s meant to be here?”

GORDON
(angrily) “What?”

ELIZABETH
“What do you mean by that, sir?”

DOCTOR
“Oh just a stray thought! Now I wonder if you can help me with something. If that’s alright?”

GORDON
“A query?”

DOCTOR
“Yes.”

GORDON
(raises voice) “You have a query!”

DOCTOR
“Yes.”

GORDON
(angrily) “By the hounds of…”

ELIZABETH
(interrupts) “Uh what is it we can do for you, sir?”

DOCTOR
“Well, I was wondering…”

GORDON
(loudly) “Blah, blah, blah, blah! Blah, blah, blah, blah…”

ELIZABETH
(sharply) “Gordon! Will you stop being so rude!”

GORDON
(sardonically) “Duh! Sorry! I didn’t realise!”

ELIZABETH
(to Doctor) “My apologies, Mr…?”

DOCTOR
“Doctor.”

ELIZABETH
“Oh, Doctor. Sorry!”

GORDON
“Doctor?”

DOCTOR
“Yes.”

GORDON
(overly-politely) “Welcome to our hotel, Doctor! We’re very honoured to have you here!”

DOCTOR
(bemused) “Well thank you, I…”

GORDON
“Anything you wish, we will provide! Won’t we, Elizabeth dear?”

ELIZABETH
“Yes we will, Gordon! Just you remember that, right?”

GORDON
“Of course! How could I not?” (to Doctor) “And is there anything we can do for you, Doctor…?”

DOCTOR
“Well, yes. As I was saying I was wondering if I could…”

Bruce the android then enters, as he escorts Larry and Bob with Joel.

BRUCE
“Mr. Rotenhend.”

GORDON
“Not now, Bruce.” (to Doctor) “Yes, Doctor. Continue.”

DOCTOR
“Thank you. I was wondering…”

BRUCE
“Mr. Rotenhend.”

GORDON
(shouts) “Go away, Bruce! Can’t you see I’m busy?”

BRUCE
“Mr. Rotenhend.”

GORDON
“Shut up!”

ELIZABETH
“What is it, Bruce?”

BRUCE
“I brought the two men…”

GORDON
“Shut up!!” (Pause) “Now as I was saying…” (shouts; at Larry and Bob) “Shut up!!”

BOB
“I didn’t say anything!”

LARRY
“Bob, don’t talk!”

GORDON
“Shut up!”

ELIZABETH
“Stop it, Gordon.”

GORDON
“Shut up!”

DOCTOR
“Excuse me…”

GORDON
“Shut up!” (corrects himself) “Oh. OH! OH! I’m so sorry, Doctor. I didn’t mean to…”

BRUCE
(interjects) “I’ve brought the two men from that crashed spaceship!”

ELIZABETH
“Ah. Thank you, Bruce.”

BRUCE
“Can I go now? I want to lubricate myself!”

LARRY
(interjects) “Hiya! I’m Mr. Cooper and this is Mr. Hill!”

BOB
(cheerfully) “Hello!”

LARRY
“Sorry for smashing into your hotel like that! A slight mishap with the controls! Wasn’t it, Bob?”

BOB
“It was more than a slight mishap, Larry! We’re going to have to pay a lot for it!”

LARRY
“Yes! And I know who’ll do the paying!”

BOB
“Who will?”

LARRY
“You!”

BOB
“Me?!”

GORDON
(loudly) “Make up your mind which one of you is going to pay! That wall cost me parsecs of gold! I had to sacrifice my money’s worth of feeding Pedigree to my dog!” (sobs) “And he’s…he’s dead!”

DOCTOR
(interjects; coughs) “Can you get back to me? I still have a query…”

BRUCE
(interjects) “I brought your son back as well!”

ELIZABETH
“What?!”

BRUCE
“He was with the two men in the spaceship!”

ELIZABETH
“Joel? Are you alright, dear?”

JOEL
“I’m fine, mum! These two men rescued me.”

BOB
“Yeah! We saw him clinging to the side of the hotel in astro-suit and all! We thought he was going to die!”

LARRY
“That was before my friend Bob here crashed into your hotel!”

BOB
“But I saved him!”

LARRY
(protests) “You saved him? I brought him into the freighter!”

BOB
“And I was the one that spotted him first!”

ELIZABETH
(agitated; concerned) “What were you doing out there anyway, Joel?”

GORDON
“Yeah, what were you doing outside of my hotel when you should have been here at reception?! Come on, boy! I demand an explanation!”

JOEL
(fed up) “I can’t be bothered to give you one!”

GORDON
“That’s no answer!”

JOEL
“I’m going back to my room!”

GORDON
(shouts) “You will stay right where you are, son! Answer me straight! Stay where you are! I said ‘stay where you are’!”

But Joel has already gone.

GORDON
(shouts angrily) “Why doesn’t that boy ever do as his father tells him?”

ELIZABETH
“You were there when he was little, Gordon!”

GORDON
“What’s that supposed to mean?”

DOCTOR
(annoyed) “Excuse me?”

GORDON
(politely) “Sorry about this, Doctor. I’ll be with you in just one moment…” (shouts, to Elizabeth) “Elizabeth! What do you think you’re doing, Elizabeth?”

ELIZABETH
“I’m giving these gentlemen the key to their room!” (to Larry) “Two singles, is it?”

LARRY
“Yes. Two singles, thanks!”

BOB
“Yes. Now and again! The wives keep coming back!”

GORDON
(shouts) “After all they’ve done…”

ELIZABETH
“Yes, Gordon! Even after all they’ve done, they get their rooms!”

Elizabeth hands Larry the keys.

ELIZABETH
“You’re in room two twenty-five!”

BOB
“What was that?”

ELIZABETH
“You’re in room two twenty-five! Hope you’ll enjoy your stay here, gentlemen!”

LARRY
“Hope so. We booked for five days by the way!”

ELIZABETH
“Of course, Mr. Cooper; Mr. Hill. Five days!”

GORDON
(despairingly) “Just five?”

BOB
“Do we sign anything?”

ELIZABETH
“Of course! Just sign this form here please!”

LARRY
“Thank you!”

GORDON
“I feel like breaking my neck apart!”

Gordon turns his neck sharply which cracks. He lets out a pained cry before getting his neck back to normal.

GORDON
(in pain) “Ah! My neck!”

DOCTOR
(interjects) “Excuse me!”

GORDON
(overly-politely) “Yes, Doctor! Most delighted Doctor at our hotel! What can we do for you?”

DOCTOR
“Well I’m looking for information about any spatial anomalies! You see my ship came…”

BOB
(loudly) “I can’t read this form! It’s too complicated!”

ELIZABETH
“Oh, I’m sorry.”

LARRY
“Hang on. Let me have a look!”

Larry has a look.

LARRY
“You’ve got it upside-down, you idiot!”

BOB
“Oh sorry! Sorry! My mistake, sorry!”

Bob turns the form up the right way.

GORDON
(shouts) “Can we have some silence?! I’m dealing with the Doctor?!” (to Doctor) “You were saying, Doctor?”

DOCTOR
“Yes. My ship came here by accident, and I was wondering if anything unnatural…?” (Pause; astonished; to Larry) “That’s very unusual luggage, gentlemen! Those are holo-emitter stabilisers, aren’t they?”

LARRY
“Yes that’s right, sir. And Bob and I never go without them!” (to Bob) “Don’t we, Bob?”

BOB
(puzzled) “Don’t we?”

LARRY
“No we don’t!”

BOB
“Oh! No we don’t!”

LARRY
“If you like one, I’m willing to sell err…Doctor, wasn’t it?”

DOCTOR
“Thank you. I’ll bear it in mind!”

BRUCE
(interrupts) “Can I go back to sleep now?”

ELIZABETH
(sharply) “No, Bruce! You’re to take these two gentlemen’s cases to their room! Room two twenty-five it is!”

BRUCE
“I won’t enjoy it.”

GORDON
“Well don’t then! Who’s asking you to enjoy it?! You’re a machine for pity’s sake! Just a machine!”

BRUCE
“You’re right. Just a machine. A machine that doesn’t care. Why should I? Nobody cares for me.” (moans) “I’ll take these cases to their room.” (to Larry; Bob) “Come on, gentlemen.”

LARRY
“Thanks, robot!”

BRUCE
“Android! I told you before! I’m not a robot. I’m an android.”

BOB
“I think you’ve upset him, Larry.”

BRUCE
“Upset? I’m past upset.”

Mechanics whir away, as Bruce takes Larry and Bob to their rooms.

GORDON
“Daft robot!” (to Doctor) “You were saying, Doctor?”

DOCTOR
(casually) “Thank you for helping me out so graciously, Mr. Rotenhend. I really appreciate it!”

GORDON
“But you still have a query to make…”

DOCTOR
(interjects; to Elizabeth) “Room two twenty-five those men were being taken to, wasn’t it?”

ELIZABETH
“Err, yes. But I don’t see…”

DOCTOR
“Thank you.”

The Doctor then leaves reception and heads off. Elizabeth is baffled whilst Gordon is enamoured.

ELIZABETH
“What a peculiar fellow! That Doctor! Did he book in last night, Gordon?”

GORDON
(awed) “What a fine man! Such class!” (Pause) “And dressed for cricket! I should invite him to a cricket match some time!”

ELIZABETH
(bemused) “I’ll go and find Joel. And remember, Gordon! He’s your son!”

Elizabeth then leaves reception, whilst Gordon fantasizes to himself.

GORDON
“Yes! I’ll even invite him to dinner!” (chuckles) “This is a good day for me! Lady Mite. The Doctor.” (Pause; realises; shouts) “What?! Where is everybody?! And where’s that son of mine?! I’ll sort him out!”

Gordon leaves the reception desk, as he goes off to find Joel.


SCENE #16 – INT – ROOM #225, LEVEL #46 – 37TH CENTURY – MORNING
In Room #225, Larry and Bob settle themselves in after being shown to their room by Bruce the android.

BOB
“Nice room this! Isn’t it, Larry?”

LARRY
“Yes! Pity I didn’t bring my teddy bear!”

BOB
“Yeah. I brought mine though!”

BRUCE
(glumly) “I might as well say this. Though I don’t know why I should bother.” (Pause) “Hope you two enjoy your stay at our hotel.”

LARRY
(gratified) “Well thank you, robot!”

BRUCE
(frustrated) “Android!”

LARRY
“Oh sorry. Android.”

BRUCE
“Dinner starts at seven-thirty. The hotel closes at ten-thirty in case you were thinking of going out which is highly un-recommended. If you wish room service, just call on the interface. And if you want to…oh what’s the point. I’m leaving.”

BOB
(curiously) “What was your name again?”

BRUCE
(gradually) “You ask my name?” (Pause) “Bruce. My name is Bruce.”

BOB
“Hello, Bruce! My name is Bob! I think I like you.”

BRUCE
“Like? You won’t say that when you see more of me.”

Bruce the android leaves glumly, as the electronic doors open and shut behind him. Larry and Bob are left alone.

BOB
“Nice chap isn’t he, Larry?”

LARRY
“Never mind about that, Bob. We’ve got things to deal with.”

BOB
“Oh you mean with that client we’ve got.”

LARRY
“Yes. But first…”

BOB
“Yes?”

LARRY
“I’m going to have a bath?”

BOB
“Oh.”

LARRY
“And then we’ll have a snack sent up! I’m starving!”

BOB
“Yeah. So am I!”

LARRY
“Bob. Fetch me my towel and shampoo with conditioner, will you?”

Bob sighs. Suddenly there’s a knock on the door. Both men are puzzled.

LARRY
“Who is it?”

BOB
(calls) “Come in!”

LARRY
(sharply, to Bob) “Don’t say ‘come in’ like that! We don’t even know who it is yet!”

The electronic door slides open and closes as the Doctor enters, all casual and enthusiastic.

DOCTOR
“Hello, gentlemen! I hope I’m not intruding. I can see that you’re settling in!”

LARRY
“Well, well! If it isn’t that Doctor we met at reception!”

DOCTOR
(cheerfully) “Yes! Hello! You’re Mr. Cooper, aren’t you?”

LARRY
“Just call me Larry.”

DOCTOR
“And you are…”

BOB
“Bob.”

DOCTOR
“Bob. Nice Bob. Very pleased to meet you.”

LARRY
“Well don’t just stand there, Bob! We have a guest! Fetch the man a drink!”

BOB
“Yes, Larry.”

LARRY
“And fetch me one while you’re at it!” (to Doctor) “Do please sit down, Doctor!”

DOCTOR
“Thank you!”

LARRY
“I haven’t tried these sofas before though, Doctor. But I imagine they’re very comfortable.”

Both Larry and the Doctor slump into the sofas, whilst Bob goes over to fetch some drinks.

BOB
“I’ll use the replicator over here!”

Bob approaches the replicator machine, as he is about to make an order.

BOB
“What are you having, Larry?”

LARRY
“I’ll have a glass of fine malt please, Bob!”

BOB
“Same here!” (to Doctor) “And you, Doctor?”

DOCTOR
“Oh…lemonade with lots of ice please!”

BOB
(to replicator) “Hey! Machine! Two malts and one lemonade with lots of ice, please!”

The replicator machine lights up, as it makes the drinks for the three in Room #225. The process is slow and the drinks take time to materialise.

BOB
(impatiently) “Work! Work! You stupid thing!”

Bob bangs on the replicator machine, until eventually the drinks fully materialise from the machine.

BOB
(pleased) “There we are! And on a tray too!”

Bob picks up the tray of drinks and brings them over to the Doctor and Larry.

DOCTOR
“They keep improving the functions of an ADC to perform and fulfill its tasks, but it’s never really right!”

LARRY
(bewildered) “ADC, Doctor?”

DOCTOR
“Analog-to-Digital Converter!”

LARRY
(confused) “Oh.”

BOB
“Here you are, Larry!”

Larry takes the drinks from Bob.

LARRY
“Ah! Thank you, Bob! You didn’t have to get two malts for me, but very nice of you!”

BOB
“But…but…”

Larry slurps the whisky from both glasses, letting out contended sighs as he does so.

LARRY
“Ah! This is the life!”

Bob, perturbed by what his friend’s just done, passes the tray over to the Doctor for him to take his glass of lemonade from it.

BOB
“Here’s your drink, Doctor.”

The Doctor takes the glass from Bob.

DOCTOR
“Thank you, Mr. Hill!”

BOB
“No problem.”

The Doctor sips his lemonade, whilst Larry slurps drinking at his whisky and licking his lips.

DOCTOR
“So you’ve managed to settle in well, gentlemen!”

LARRY
“We certainly have!”

BOB
“Have you been at this hotel long, Doctor?”

DOCTOR
“No. Arrived last night. Though I was here the previous year. And the service was quite satisfactory at the time.”

BOB
“Well…let’s hope the service will be good this year too!”

Moment of silence.

LARRY
“So? To what do we owe this pleasure, Doctor? Why do you come to visit our castle, as Bob and I might say!”

DOCTOR
(gradually) “I want to know about those holo-emitter stabilisers! I believe they might have diverted my ship to this hotel!”

LARRY
(anxiously) “Sorry. Can’t disclose that. Trade secret.”

DOCTOR
“Where did you get them?”

LARRY
(apprehensively) “This is our business and we only share it with our client.”

DOCTOR
“How did you get them? Why did you get them? And what are you using them for?”

LARRY
“I’m sorry, Doctor! But Bob and I can’t help you! Can we, Bob?”

BOB
(confused) “Oh. Can’t we?”

LARRY
“Of course we can’t!”

BOB
“Oh, of course we can’t!”

DOCTOR
(insistently) “Who exactly is your client, gentlemen? I wish to know!”

Larry gets up from his sofa.

LARRY
“I’m sorry, Doctor! I’m afraid you have to go!”

DOCTOR
“What?”

LARRY
“If it’s money you want, we’re not interested! Now please leave us!”

The Doctor is pulled up from his chair by Larry and is escorted out of their room.

DOCTOR
“But I haven’t finished my lemonade yet!”

LARRY
“Well too bad! Have your lemonade somewhere else! Get one at the hotel bar!”

The electronic door slides open, as the Doctor is almost halfway through the door with Larry and Bob pushing him out. But the Doctor soon leans his head in through the doorway before it closes.

DOCTOR
“Alright, gentlemen. I’ll leave. And don’t worry about the lemonade. Though I don’t have any money, so you two have to pay! See you again soon! Hopefully you’ll be more co-operative next time!”

The Doctor casually leaves ,as the electronic doors close shut behind him. Larry sighs with relief.

LARRY
(relieved) “Thank goodness for that! That was a close one.”

BOB
“We shouldn’t have been so rude.”

LARRY
“I know, Bob. But what can we do?” (Pause) “Anyway, I’m going to have a bath! You Bob see if they can send a snack up, like…I don’t know…a few chicken sandwiches and a pot of tea. And you pay.”

Larry goes off to have his bath, whilst Bob remains completely bewildered.


SCENE #17 – EXT – CASTLE GROUNDS (SIMI-SUITE #3) – 37TH CENTURY – MORNING
Meanwhile, in one of the simi-suites at the hotel, Nyssa and Billy walk about on a green lawn next to a castle. The sun is shining with a cool breeze in the air and the birds are singing in the trees. It’s not just Nyssa and Billy though, as there are other people walking about the castle grounds too. A computer voice gives announcements in the background.

COMPUTER VOICE
“Welcome to simi-suite three. The current simulation is old Earth castle park – Goodrich Castle. The other simulations currently taking place in other simu-suites are as follows. Suite one – the Roman empire. Suite two – Alton Towers. Suite four – Game Zero. Please attend these scenarios if you wish to change program…”

As the announcements go on, Nyssa and Billy walk about the grounds taking everything in.

BILLY
“These castle grounds are amazing! They look so real considering they aren’t!”

NYSSA
“Yes. I can see how well they attempt to recreate historical places like these by this time of Earth’s history. But Earth technology is still far too primitive for my liking! They can never get it really right!”

BILLY
“Well not everyone has a TARDIS. So I suppose these holographic simulations are the next best thing.” (Pause) “Have you ever been to one of these castles before Nyssa?”

NYSSA
“Yes I have. We went to the twelfth century and visited Stockbridge Castle. Though the Doctor and I did have trouble when we went.” (Pause) “I hope the Doctor’s alright. I wonder where he is.”

BILLY
“Perhaps he’s found something out already.”

NYSSA
“I hope so. It would be inconsiderate if he didn’t.”

Moment of silence.

BILLY
“Nyssa?”

NYSSA
“Yes Billy.”

BILLY
(gradually) “As we can create anything we want to in these things, why don’t we have that dance date we were going to have later on?” (Pause) “That is…if you’re interested.”

Moment of silence, as Nyssa thinks for a while.

NYSSA
“Yes! I’d like that!”

BILLY
“Really?”

NYSSA
“Yes!”

BILLY
“You really would like to go out with me again?”

NYSSA
“Of course, Billy! I wanted to have that dance!” (Pause) “You arrange it!”

BILLY
(excited) “Great! Thanks, Nyssa!” (Pause) “And we can have the music that I wanted to listen to. I’ll make sure Glenn Miller, Frank Sinatra, Guy Lombardo, Ray Connif and all the greats are added in!”

NYSSA
“As long as you have the Charleston, Waltz and Foxtrot dances in the program, then I’ll be happy.”

BILLY
“That’s all I want to do, Nyssa. To see you happy!”

Tender silence between them for a moment.

BILLY
(changes subject) “Say, Nyssa. Can I take a photo of you standing in front of the castle?”

NYSSA
“Yes. Of course.”

BILLY
“Thanks!”

They both take their places, as Billy’s about to take Nyssa’s photo.

NYSSA
“Where do you want me to stand?”

BILLY
“Oh just stand a bit to the right. Then I should be able to get you in the frame.”

NYSSA
“Okay.”

Nyssa moves a bit to the right as Billy says.

BILLY
“Yes, that’s great. Now stand still.” (Pause) “And…smile!”

Nyssa smiles in front of the camera. Billy then clicks his camera and takes a photo. The photo print slides out from the camera.

BILLY
“Now, let’s have a look!”

Billy then takes out the photo print and has a look at it.

BILLY
(gradually) “Yeah. Looks great.”

NYSSA
“Let me see.”

Nyssa goes over to Billy, as she takes a peak at what the photo looks like.

NYSSA
“You managed to get a bit of my head off the photo, Billy.”

BILLY
(embarrassed) “Yeah, but…it’s still good, isn’t it?”

Moment of silence.

NYSSA
“Shall we have a picture with you and me together?”

BILLY
“Yeah, alright!”

NYSSA
(aloud) “Computer. Create tourist in the following castle program.”

A few beeping noises occur, as the computer creates a holographic simulation of a tourist out of thin air in the simu-suite.

BILLY
“That is amazing!”

NYSSA
(calls) “Excuse me?”

TOURIST
“Yes?”

NYSSA
“Could you take a photo of my friend and me in front of the castle?”

TOURIST
“Yes, of course!”

BILLY
“Here’s my camera.”

The tourist takes the camera from Billy.

TOURIST
“Okay if you just stand where you’d like to stand, I’ll take it now!”

BILLY
“Thanks.”

NYSSA
“Yes, thank you.”

The tourist operates the camera, whilst Nyssa and Billy stand in front of the castle for the camera.

BILLY
(to Nyssa) “Can I put my arm around you?”

NYSSA
“Yes, of course.”

Billy puts his arm around Nyssa, as they have their photo taken.

BILLY
(to himself) “This feels a bit like my dream.”

NYSSA
“The one you had this morning?”

BILLY
(slightly embarrassed) “Err…yes.”

TOURIST
“Okay. Smile!”

Nyssa and Billy smile, as the tourist clicks the camera and takes the photo. The photo print slides out from the camera, as the tourist takes it out and holds it up for Nyssa and Billy to see.

TOURIST
“There you are. One photo from the camera!”

Suddenly, a woman lets out a loud, terrified scream from a distance. Nyssa and Billy are disturbed and startled when this happens.

BILLY
“What was that?”

NYSSA
“Billy, come on!”

BILLY
“Right behind you, Nyssa!”

Nyssa runs off to follow where the screaming came from. Billy follows after Nyssa before…

TOURIST
(calls) “Excuse me, sir! You forgot your photo and camera here!”

Billy runs back to take the photo and the camera from the holographic tourist.

BILLY
“Thanks a lot, mate. See you, later.”

Billy runs off after Nyssa, leaving the tourist by himself whilst the screaming continues from a distance.


SCENE #18 – INT – CASTLE (SIMU-SUITE #3) – 37TH CENTURY – MORNING
Somewhere in the castle itself, a few women tourists that are not holograms scream their heads off after witnessing a horrible sight. Mumbles and mutters from other tourists occur, as Nyssa passes her way through the crowd.

NYSSA
(concerned) “What is it? What’s the matter?”

Nyssa looks to see what the women are screaming about. Nyssa becomes sickened and distraught once she sees the sight.

NYSSA
(shocked) “Oh no!” (Pause) “Who would do such a thing as this?!”

Billy then pushes his way through the crowd of tourists to get to Nyssa.

BILLY
“Excuse me! Excuse me! Coming through!”

Billy approaches Nyssa once he’s past the crowd. Billy looks to see what Nyssa’s seen.

BILLY
“What’s going on, Nyssa?” (gasps; shocked) “Oh no! Oh my, how ghastly!”

NYSSA
“Yes! Something evil’s done this! Someone malicious has caused this awful monstrosity!” (Pause) “They’re just dangling from the castle walls!”

BILLY
“Yeah. Hanged as if they were the king’s criminals to be put on display!” (Pause) “And such a young couple!”

They watch in horror, as the young couple dangling in the air from the castle wall happen to be Joe and Jo, who were on the beach in the same simi-suite last night.


TO BE CONTINUED…


© Tim Bradley, 2016

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This entry was posted in Comedy, Doctor Who, Fan Fiction, Nyssa, The Fifth Doctor by Tim Bradley and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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