Some Idiot’s Review of a Glorious Film

(confused) Hello everyone.

Um…welcome to ‘Bradley’s Basement’ blog and I’m Tim Bradley.

I…don’t know why I didn’t start this review off with the usual ‘Quick DVD review’ title.

Or why I have a unicorn to the left of me…

…as well to the right of me as I write this review.

(suddenly realises; alarmed) Oh no! HE’S HERE!!!

Tim tries to run away. But it’s too late. It’s him! He’s right there before him! It’s…Deadpool!

Deadpool: “Hello Tiny Tim.”

(sternly) “It’s you! Deadpool!”

Deadpool: “Holy fiddlesticks falls it is!”

Get off my site, Deadpool! You’re not welcome here!

Deadpool: (gasps; shocked) “Timmy, that hurts me! I’m deeply scarred by that remark! I’m deeply scarred from head to toe. But you have just cut a scar deep within my soul.”

Get out of here! I won’t have you ruining the dignity of my website by your presence here.

Deadpool: “Fiddlesticks, poo, kitty, brat. Shall I continue?”

This is a family-friendly website. Your 15-rated…or R-rated presence whatever you want to call it…isn’t called for here. I mean…think of the children who might be reading this review on my website with their parents or something.

Deadpool: “Or they might instead be out doing drugs or drinking alcohol.”

Why am I even talking to you? You’re not even the real Deadpool. You’re just some intimation I asked Timelord007 to come up with.

Deadpool: “He’s very cheap that Timelord007.”

Well, I can’t be Honest Trailers who got the real Ryan Reynolds for their ‘Deadpool’ trailer. At least, the Nostalgia Critic got one of his actors to play Deadpool for his ‘Deadpool 2’ review.

Deadpool: “Well, they are established big budget YouTubers, while you’re a small willy on a gigantic I need to stop swearing fall sack.”

Stop swearing, Deadpool! You’re a foul mouth! It’s just as well I’m censoring your swear words whenever you speak.

Deadpool: “Err…have you not done your research on me? I’m the merc with the mouth. Unless you watched ‘X-Men Origins: Wolverine’ where they stitched me right up and bum flipped my character. More on that later!”

I don’t know why I’m doing a quick review of the first ‘Deadpool’ movie anyway. By rights, your rudeness and 15/R-rated reputation puts me off.

Deadpool: “Ah, but you’re a growing boy, Tim! Welcome to manhood!”

(sighs; to audience) Well, actually…I did want to watch ‘Deadpool’ the movie.

You see, I never saw the ‘Deadpool’ movies when they came out at the cinema in 2016 and 2018. I didn’t feel at the time they were my kind of superhero movies. But with everyone raving about them and giving them positive reviews, I decided to take a chance and find out what ‘Deadpool’ was like. I asked my best mate Stephen if he would let me see the first ‘Deadpool’ movie on DVD last Saturday.

Thankfully, he said yes and we watched it together on my DVD player. And after watching it, I have to say…I actually really enjoyed ‘Deadpool’ the movie.

Deadpool: “Holy fiddlesticks falls, you did?”

But saying that, it’s not my kind of movie!

Deadpool: “Are you bipolar or do I just need to stop swearing weird the way you censor my swear words?”

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I still found myself having a good time watching this movie. But in terms of Deadpool being a superhero role model in a 15 or R-rated setting, it’s not really the type of movie I like watching all the time.

For those of you who don’t know and for those who are still here reading this, Deadpool was a comic book character created by Fabian Nicieza and Rob Liefeld in the 1990s. He appears in the ‘X-Men’ universe, I think. Although I do think it’s safe to say Deadpool isn’t an actual X-Men character here.

Deadpool: “Wash your mouth out! I’m an Avenger! I used to be an X-Men! But every time I visited the mansion, they were all out on missions because we didn’t have the budget to cast Patrick Stewart or Gandalf the gay!”

(rolls eyes) Deadpool is one of the most unusual superhero characters from the Marvel Comics. As well as being foul-mouthed, violent and making wise-cracking jokes all the time…yes! Even I found myself laughing watching this ‘Deadpool’ movie…

Deadpool: “Let go of your inner rudeness, Timmy.”

Deadpool has a reputation of breaking the fourth wall a lot and being aware that he’s a fictional character whether in the comics or the movies. This…is something I found really entertaining to watch. I wish it was for a more child-friendly audience, but the fact that it’s presented in this film for grown-ups over 15 makes it interesting. Dare I say it; I was fascinated and curious about Deadpool.

Deadpool: “I can feel the Timmy man-love bubbling up inside. Just release it, Timmy boy!”

Deadpool had been portrayed in the Marvel Comics superhero movies before. In ‘X-Men Origins: Wolverine’.

Deadpool: “Fiddlesticks off, Timmy! Why you gotta bring that up? That’s my version of Timelord007’s ‘Last Jedi’!”

(to Deadpool) Hey, I can’t do this review without making a reference to that movie, whether you’re ashamed about it or not.

Deadpool: “Holy flippy roll-locks, I am! They totally flipped my character and it’s not even me in the climax! It’s action star Scott Adkins!”

Deadpool, stop swearing! Shut up!

Deadpool: “Ooh so much manliness, Timmy! I just got a bit aroused!”

(to audience) Anyway, as I was saying, with people really hating that version of…whatever Deadpool looked like in ‘X-Men Origins: Wolverine’, a movie about Deadpool was always on the cards. In fact, the original actor Ryan Reynolds campaigned to play the role again in order to be given a second chance. And do you know? He became the success as the authentic Deadpool with many comic book movie fans.

Deadpool: “Ryan, I’m so awesome! Despite playing the same, I’m a smug wisecracking brick in every film I do. P.S. check out ‘Blade: Trinity’ and see my wisecracking awesomeness.”

(to Deadpool) So does that mean you’re going to campaign to play Green Lantern again in the ‘DCEU’?

Deadpool: “If I ever time travel, I’ll go back and shoot Ryan Reynolds for starring in that piece of poo!”

(to audience) The movie itself is about a Special Forces man named Wade Wilson…who becomes Deadpool later on. He falls in love with a woman named Vanessa…who is a prostitute.

(to Deadpool) Seriously, Deadpool! You had to the raise the sex levels in your love story?

Deadpool: (confused) “That’s Deadpool? I thought you were talking about Green Lantern!”

(rolls eyes; to audience) “But in the film, Deadpool suffers from cancer. Yikes, that’s pretty bad. I really felt for Wade Wilson there.

Deadpool: “Yes! And I look like an overcooked omelette or Freddy Krueger’s love child later on.”

Yeah, I’ll get onto what Deadpool means by that. You see, Wade tries to find a way to get rid of his cancer. But he ends up being experimented on by some really nasty people…led by Francis/Ajax. He awakens Wade’s mutant genes to become…Deadpool. I found Francis and his lot really nasty.

(to Deadpool) Why were they so nasty to you, Deadpool? I mean that stuff with the experimenting and being cruel to you was really horrible? Why do such horrible things to you?

Deadpool: “Because the script says so.”

Moment of awkward silence.

(to audience) The up-side to Deadpool’s mutation…is that it gives him super-healing powers. The downside however…he looks pretty ugly. Yikes, Wade didn’t deserve that.

Deadpool: “Why I hate being the ugliest! I’m 100% awesomely manliness despite looking like a deep fried fall sack.”

Deadpool sets himself a mission to get revenge on the man who caused his disfigurement as well as ruining the happy time he had with his girlfriend Vanessa. But will Deadpool really go down the road of revenge? Will he really kill someone? And most importantly, will he reunite with his beloved Vansessa?

Deadpool: “And will we get an awesome post credit scene?”

As well as featuring Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool, the cast also includes Morena Baccarin as Vanessa, Deadpool’s girlfriend.

Deadpool: “Morena Baccirin! She was in DC’s ‘Gotham’ as Jim Gordon’s love interest. But was seduced by my wilful charms or Marvel manliness.”

There’s also Ed Skrein as Francis/Ajax, the British villain.

(to Deadpool) Seriously, Deadpool?

Deadpool: “Ah yes! Francis the actor who starred in the rebooted ‘Transporter’ movie. Which FLOPPED BIG TIME! So we got him cheap.”

(clears throat; to audience) There’s also T.J. Miller as Weasel, the comic relief; Gina Carano as Angel, Francis’ evil henchwoman…

Deadpool: “Ah, the sexy Gina Carano! A former cage fighter and a woman of curviness! Timelord007 told me he’d love to get smothered in between Gina’s…”

(interrupts; to Deadpool) “Anyway, enough of that!” (to audience) “There’s also Brianna Hildebrand as…Negasonic Teenage Warhead? A teenage mutant ninja turtle character? (Pause) And there’s Colossus…who looks bigger and more CGI-looking compared to the previous ‘X-Men’ movies. Yeah, how come Colossus looks different here compared to the previous ‘X-Men’ films?

Deadpool: “Because we can and the writers changed the character. Sue us! The timelines have been changed so much with this franchise. I’ll probably be a Russian in ‘Deadpool 3’.”

Stan Lee also makes a cameo in this movie!

(angrily; to Deadpool) HOW DARE YOU, DEADPOOL!!! HOW DARE YOU PUT STAN LEE IN A VERY UNDIGNIFIED CAMEO IN YOUR MOVIE!!!

Deadpool: “It got him out of the care home for a couple hours. Dear Stan! God bless him!”

Moment of uncomfortable silence.

I preferred it when you were Detective Pikachu.

Deadpool: “God bless you! I am a man of many talents.”

Don’t you think you’re exaggerating with how highly rated your movie is?

Deadpool: “Nope! You can’t have too much manly sexy awesomeness!”

Well, I…

Deadpool: “Holy fiddlesticks falls! Just spit it out!”

(chooses words carefully) Well, I think it’s fair to say that I don’t consider this to be my type of superhero movie. There’s way too much swearing; way too much blood, gore and violence; the sex stuff is way too much and the murderous attitude Deadpool has isn’t very ideal in a role model for me. It’s a surprise the people who see this movie rate it highly as it’s won many box office records.

Deadpool: “It’s because I do the character justice! I play him as a merc with a dirty talking mouth and people love it! Besides, it pees off the PC and SJW brigades. So that’s an added bonus of awesomeness.”

But with me saying that I don’t consider this my kind of film, I actually found it a reasonably faithful comic book adaptation of the Deadpool character.

Deadpool: “That’s what I just said! Having a doze, were we? Too much R-rated carnage made you sleepy, did it? Maybe you should read the comics or check out the graphic full-cast audiobook called ‘Paws’ and get more Deadpool awesomeness.”

(annoyed; to Deadpool) Deadpool, will you just let me finish!

(to audience) Yes, I may not have read the ‘Deadpool’ comics. They wouldn’t have been for me. But seeing how the film depicts Deadpool the way he is in the comics, especially with the funny fourth-wall breaking and being self-aware that he’s a comic book character in a comic book movie adaptation, I consider this to be a faithful film version of Deadpool. Ryan Reynolds is the best actor to play him!

It’s like when I find Michael Keaton as the best actor to play Batman; Christopher Reeve as the best Superman; Tobey Maguire as the best Spider-Man and Hugh Jackman as the best Wolverine. Ryan Reynolds did it so superbly with Deadpool and it’s easy to see why. He portrayed the comedy; the drama and what the actual spirit of the Deadpool character was like. I could easily believe in it.

So, while in no way will this be my kind of Marvel Comics superhero movie, I found myself actually enjoying it. I’m amazed I braved through this film with all the bad language; gore and sex references featured in it. But seeing it all the way through, I did have a good time. This was pretty worthwhile. 🙂

Deadpool: “You act all sweet and innocent like a British Miley Cyrus, back in the days when she was sweet and innocent. But inside, you’re a very naughty boy.”

(ignores Deadpool; to audience) Well, thank you all for reading this ‘Deadpool’ movie review by me and… (sighs; grudgingly; to Deadpool) …thank you Deadpool for making a guest star appearance.

Deadpool: “Don’t forget to send the cheque to Timelord007@themancave. He’s got Big Finish ‘Doctor Who’ pre-orders to place and needs the money. Now you can watch ‘Deadpool 2’ with me and…”

(interrupts; angrily) NO! NO!!! NO, I WON’T!!! I WON’T REVIEW ‘DEADPOOL 2’!!! NOT EVER, EVER, EVER!!! NOW GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

Tim pushes Deadpool out of the room and shuts the door on him. Outside, Deadpool looks in.

Deadpool: (giggles: cheekily; to audience) “He’ll review ‘Deadpool 2’. I know he will. I’ll make sure of it.”

Thanks for reading!

Thanks for reading!

Bye for now!

Bye for now!

Tim. 🙂

Deadpool xxx

2 thoughts on “Some Idiot’s Review of a Glorious Film

  1. Timelord 007

    Lmao, i laughed at how funny this review is, it kinda breaking the fourth wall & the verbal sparring between you & Deadpool is hilarious.

    Ryan Reynolds co-wrote/produced fought tooth & nail to get Fox to make this so in the end the greenlit the movie for a average 50 million dollar budget thinking it might break even it made over 700 million dollars, not bad for a R’ rated movie.

    If you review the sequel the Extended cuts the version I’d watch & i would certainly be happy play Deadpool again.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Tim Bradley Post author

      Hi Simon.

      Very pleased you enjoyed my review and laughed at how funny it was. Thanks for playing your inner Deadpool for me in this review.

      Yeah it’s amazing Ryan Reynolds had creative control behind the film and that he managed to win audiences and comic book fans over with his performance as Deadpool after the disappointments he had with ‘X-Men Origins: Wolverine’ and ‘Green Lantern’. I’m happy for him that ‘Deadpool’ became the success it deserved to be.

      I have some ideas for my review on ‘Deadpool 2’. I look forward to inviting you again to play the character for my review.

      Many thanks Simon.

      Tim. 🙂

      Like

      Reply

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