Hello everyone! 🙂
Welcome to ‘Bradley’s Basement’ blog and I’m Tim Bradley!
It’s Day 1 of ‘Bradley’s Basement’s Advent Calendar 2021.
It’s time for ‘The Lord of the Rings: Comedy Version’. Let’s begin with Chapter 1 and we’re starting off with Part 1 of the story called ‘The Fellowship of the Freak’! 🙂
‘Very Concerning Hobbits’
In the Shire, Frodo hears Gandalf coming.
FRODO: (cheers) “Hey! Yippee! Yippee!”
Frodo runs all the way to meet up with Gandalf.
FRODO: (cheers) “YIPPEE!!!!”
Frodo crashes onto Gandalf, startling him, causing his wagon to break up and the horse to run away.
FRODO: (happily) “Hello, Gandalf! I’m so glad to see you again!”
Frodo wraps his arms around Gandalf’s neck.
GANDALF: (chokes) “You’re strangling me! YOUR’RE STRANGLING ME!!!”
Frodo eventually lets go and Gandalf coughs, clearing his throat.
GANDALF: “What did you do that for?”
FRODO: “I’m just so happy to see you again!”
On their way to Bag-End…
FRODO: “So how have things been with you?”
GANDALF: “Not bad. Though I did at one time have a cup of tea with Hyacinth Bucket and attended one of her candlelight suppers.” (shudders) “Terrible.”
A while later, a number of hobbit children run up to greet Gandalf.
HOBBIT CHILDREN: “Hey look, it’s Gandalf! It’s Gandalf, Gandalf, Gandalf, Gandalf…”
GANDALF: (shouts) “Get away from me, you stupid kids…”
The hobbit children jump and wrap their arms around Gandalf, strangling him in the process.
GANDALF: (chokes) “They’re trying to kill me!!!”
Eventually, the hobbit children let go.
GANDALF: “I’m getting out of here!”
HOBBIT CHILDREN: (upset) “Aww!”
GANDALF: “Oh fine!”
Gandalf sets off a number of fireworks to make the hobbit children happy.
HOBBIT CHILDREN: (cheers) “Yea, yippee! That’s great! Yes, yippee!” (quickly bored) “Na, that’s enough. We’re bored Let’s go!”
With that, the hobbit children leave.
Frodo makes to leave
FRODO: “See you, Gandalf!”
Frodo wraps his arms around Gandalf’s neck, strangling him in the process. Once he’s finished…
FRODO: (happily) “See you then!”
…Frodo leaves. Gandalf clears his throat.
GANDALF: “Why is it that they always have to strangle me around the neck? They ruin my neck all the time!”
A random male hobbit comes along.
HOBBIT: “Oh look! Gandalf’s here!”
The male hobbit jumps up and wraps his arms around Gandalf’s neck, strangling him. Gandalf chokes before getting the male hobbit off him.
GANDALF: “Go on, get out of here!”
The male hobbit cheerfully waves goodbye. Gandalf continues to make his way to Bag-End.
GANDALF: “Ah well. It’s still a very nice place.”
He passes a random hobbit lady at her hobbit hole.
GANDALF: “Hello, little hobbit lady!”
Overjoyed, the hobbit lady jumps up and wraps her arms around Gandalf’s neck, strangling him. Gandalf chokes before getting the hobbit lady off him.
GANDALF: (chokes) “Okay, it’s me. Thank you. Goodbye.”
Gandalf continues on his way. Just then, a little hobbit girl runs up to him.
HOBBIT GIRL: “Hey, Gandalf!”
GANDALF: “I’ll give you £1 if you don’t strangle me.”
HOBBIT GIRL: “Okay.”
A moment of silence ensues.
HOBBIT GIRL: “Ah, who cares?”
The hobbit girl jumps up and wraps her arms around Gandalf’s neck, strangling him. Gandalf chokes as she does so. She soon gets off him and Gandalf continues his way.
At Bag-End, Gandalf knocks on the door.
BILBO: (from inside) “No, no, NO!!! I DON’T WANT ANY MORE VISITORS AT ALL!!!”
GANDALF: “Knock, knock.”
BILBO: (from inside) “Who’s there?”
BILBO: (from inside) “Me who?”
GANDALF: “Your friend Gandalf!”
At that, Bilbo opens the door a fraction and looks out.
BILBO: “Did you say ‘Gandalf’?”
GANDALF: (sarcastically) “No! I said ‘Aragorn’!”
BILBO: “Oh, I see!”
Bilbo closes the door.
GANDALF: “Well, of course I said ‘Gandalf’!”
Bilbo opens the door wide.
BILBO: (overjoyed) “Gandalf!”
GANDALF: “Yes, it’s me. Now please don’t strangle me…”
BILBO: (overjoyed) “It’s you!!!”
Bilbo jumps up and wraps his arms around Gandalf’s neck, strangling him. Gandalf chokes.
BILBO: (overjoyed) “Oh Gandalf! I’m so glad to see you!”
GANDALF: (annoyed) “Would you like it if I died?!!!”
Later on, at Bilbo’s birthday party, fireworks go off and the hobbits celebrate.
HOBBITS: “Yippee, yippee, yippee! Hey look, there’s Gandalf!”
A lot of hobbits jump up on Gandalf and wraps their arms around his neck, strangling him. Gandalf chokes whilst other hobbits continue partying and drinking away.
In Bag-End, Gandalf shouts down at Bilbo.
GANDALF: (shouts) “Now listen here! I’m not trying to rob you, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!!! I AM TRYING TO…” (lowers his voice) “…help you.”
BILBO: (upset) “Oh Gandalf. I’m so sorry!”
Bilbo runs and jumps up to Gandalf, wrapping his arms around him, strangling him. Gandalf chokes away.