Hello everyone! 🙂
Welcome to ‘Bradley’s Basement’ blog and I’m Tim Bradley!
It’s Day 2 of ‘Bradley’s Basement’s Advent Calendar 2021.
It’s time for Chapter 2 of ‘The Lord of the Rings: Comedy Version’ and we’re still on Part 1 of the story called ‘The Fellowship of the Freak’! 🙂
‘The Scaramanga of Isengard’
At the tower of Orthanc in Isengard, Saruman comes down the stairs to meet with Gandalf.
SARUMAN: “Smoke rises from the mountain of Doom. The hour grows late and Gandalf the Grey rides to Isengard seeking my counsel. For that is why you have…”
Saruman trips over; falls down the stairs and ends up flat on his face.
SARUMAN: (continues; muffled) “…why you have come, is it not, my old friend?”
Gandalf babbles away whilst Saruman’s lying flat on his face.
SARUMAN: (gets Gandalf’s attention) “Can…can you help me up, please?”
Obligingly, Gandalf helps Saruman up to his feet. Saruman struggles, feeling wobbly on his feet.
GANDALF: “Well, if I were you, I’d better watch my [step…”]
Stepping forward, Gandalf ends up tripping over and falling to the ground, flat on his face. Saruman looks down on him.
GANDALF: (finishes; muffled) “…step!”
A short while later, Gandalf talks to Saruman.
GANDALF: “I’ve come to talk you about the Ring!”
SARUMAN: “The Ring? What ring? You mean the wedding ring?”
GANDALF: (frustrated) “No! No, no, no, no, NO!!!!!”
SARUMAN: (confused) “What do you mean, “No, no, no, no, no”?”
Gandalf proceeds to explain.
Once Gandalf tells Saruman his news…
SARUMAN: “Are you sure about this?”
GANDALF: (sarcastically) “No! I’m being sarcastic! Of course I’m sure!”
SARUMAN: “So the Ring of Power has been found!”
GANDALF: (sarcastically) “No! It’s been buried!”
A short while later inside Orthanc, Saruman tells Gandalf about the nine Black Riders who have left Minas Morgul.
SARUMAN: “They will find the Ring…and kill the one who carries it.”
GANDALF: (ponders) “I wonder who that could be.”
SARUMAN: (rolls his eyes) “The one who has the Ring in his possession now.”
GANDALF: (gradually; realises) “You mean…Frodo?”
A moment of silence ensues.
GANDALF: “Can I take the elevator please!”
Gandalf heads for one elevator, but it closes shut on him.
GANDALF: “Okay, I’ll take the other one.”
The other elevator shuts on him.
GANDALF: “Okay, I’ll take the other.”
Another elevator shuts on him. Gandalf goes from left to right; up and down; and sideways and long ways to get into an elevator, but each of the elevators he tries to get into all shut on him. There is one last hope, as Gandalf spots something on the ground.
GANDALF: (realises) “Ah! Mouse hole!”
But even the mouse closes his door on Gandalf, squeakily giggling as he does so.
Once Saruman suggests to Gandalf about them joining Sauron, Gandalf says…
GANDALF: “You could do with a shave! Because your face looks ugly without a beard! You can use it as a mop!”
SARUMAN: (greatly offended) “WHAT?!!!”
Saruman throws Gandalf across the room with his staff.
After Gandalf and Saruman fight for a bit, Saruman calls to Gandalf’s staff.
SARUMAN: “Come here!”
Gandalf’s staff obeys, flying out of his hands and going over to Saruman,
GANDALF: (angrily) “You stupid staff! I’ll never trust you again!”
In the end, Saruman sends Gandalf up to the top of Orthanc.