Hello everyone! 🙂
Welcome to ‘Bradley’s Basement’ blog and I’m Tim Bradley!
It’s Day 6 of ‘Bradley’s Basement’s Advent Calendar 2021.
Ready for another chapter of ‘The Lord of the Rings: Comedy Version’? It’s time to check out Chapter 6 and venture further into ‘The Fellowship of the Freak’! 🙂
‘The Staring Queen in Lothlórien’
In Lothlórien, the Fellowship meets Lady Galadriel. Legolas takes a fancy to her.
LEGOLAS: “Hey, pretty lady! You have long blonde hair like me. Do you want to go out together?”
GALADRIEL: (nervously) “Um….no.”
A short while later, the Fellowship are told to go and have a rest after their long journey.
LEGOLAS: “Do we get to have showers? Along with shower gel…and…hair conditioning?”
LEGOLAS: “Yippee! Say, once we’ve freshened up, do you want to have dinner together?”
GALADRIEL: “No, thank you.”
LEGOLAS: “Oh come on! I really fancy you, you know.”
GALADRIEL: “Legolas, will you please stop? You have to get to know a person before you can go out with them.”
LEGOLAS: “I know everything about you.”
GALADRIEL: “Then what’s my date of birth?”
A moment of silence ensues.
LEGOLAS: “Err…the same as mine.”
Another moment of silence ensues.
LEGOLAS: “I still want to go out with you, you know.”
GALADRIEL: “Would you like to go out with me like this?”
Galadriel shows her evil green form.
LEGOLAS: (shudders) “No.”
GALADRIEL: “Or would you like to go out with me like this?”
Galadriel reverts back to her normal self.
LEGOLAS: (happily) “Yes, I do! Come on, give us a kiss.”
Legolas leans forward for a kiss before Galadriel slaps him.
LEGOLAS: (dazed; happily) “Oh, she fancies me. Oh, she likes me!”
GIMLI: (interrupts) “I brought my teddy bear with me to bed.”
A short while later, whilst the ‘Lament for Gandalf’ is playing in Lothlórien, everyone reacts to what Legolas is wearing before he goes to bed.
MERRY: (shocked) “Aww, Legolas! What have you done to yourself?”
LEGOLAS: “What’s wrong? These are my pyjamas!”
PIPPIN: “You wear pyjamas like that before you go to bed?”
LEGOLAS: “Yes, my mother always told me to wear something before I go to bed and not ruin my everyday clothes. These suffice.”
BOROMIR: “I wonder how the little ones are.”
ARAGON: “Why do you keep calling them ‘little ones’? They’re hobbits, you know.”
GIMILI: “I’ll go and check on them.”
Gimli goes over to check.
GIMLI: “Hello, hobbits!”
SAM: “Hello, how do you do? I’ve just been in touch with my bookie. Do you fancy putting on a bet?”
GIMLI: (sternly) “Go to sleep!”
SAM: (glumly) “Alright.”
Gimli turns to Pippin.
GIMLI: (sternly) “Stop eating mushrooms and go to bed!”
Pippin glumly puts his mushrooms away.
ARAGON: “Do you suppose Frodo’s okay from his ordeal?”
GIMLI: “I don’t know. I know that he fancies the staring queen. I’ll go and tell Legolas that right now.”
A short while later…
GIMLI: “He fancies her!”
LEGOLAS: “But…I fancy her!”
LEGOLAS: “I know what’s going to happen!”
LEGOLAS: “She’s going to say ‘yes’ to having a drink with him; then they’ll go out to have a meal at a restaurant; and then they’re go out to have a hairdo!”
GIMLI: “I think you should go to bed now, Legolas…”
LEGOLAS: (continues) “Yes! And then, they’re going to talk about the latest fashions in…”
Legolas keeps talking whilst Gimli guides him to his bed.
During the night, Frodo wakes up to be summoned by Galadriel who walks by.
GALADRIEL: “Come with me, Frodo. Please!”
Frodo gets up and follows Galadriel. Someone else also gets up and follows.
GALADRIEL: “Not you, Legolas!”
LEGOLAS: (groans) “Aww!!!”
After Frodo and Galadriel talk about the Ring and the fate of the quest for a bit, Galadriel notices something out of the corner of her eye.
GALADRIEL: (annoyed) “Legolas! STOP PEAKING AROUND THE BACK!!!!!”
LEGOLAS: “But I fancy you!”
GALADRIEL: “Get up and go away!”
LEGOLAS: “Aww come on, can I just have a little kiss?”
A moment of silence ensues.
LEGOLAS: “Just one!”
Legolas soon returns to bed.
After Frodo sees what’s in the Mirror of Galadriel, he’s terrified and looks to the lady.
FRODO: “How do you know what I saw will happen?”
GALADRIEL: “It might not happen.” (fiercely) “Yet it might!” (calmly) “But it may never happen.”
LEGOLAS: (calls; from a distance) “Would it have happened if I had gone out with you?”
GALADRIEL: “Shut up, Legolas!”
LEGOLAS: (from a distance, Onslow-style) “Oh, nice!”
GALADRIEL: “Go back to bed!”