Hello everyone! 🙂
Welcome to ‘Bradley’s Basement’ blog and I’m Tim Bradley!
It’s Day 7 of ‘Bradley’s Basement’s Advent Calendar 2021.
We’re getting close to the end of ‘The Fellowship of the Freak’ part of ‘The Lord of the Rings: Comedy Version’. Let’s check out Chapter 7 of the story! 🙂
‘The Great River and its Rapids’
The Fellowship leave Lothlórien behind as they journey through the Great River in boats. Legolas waves farewell to Galadriel as she stands on a nearby river bank.
LEGOLAS: (sobs) “Bye, bye, my love! I’ll miss you!”
PIPPIN: “Legolas, I think you’re way over-the-top. You barely knew her for a day.”
FRODO: “Well, I’ll never forget when she gave me a kiss on the forehead.”
LEGOLAS: (shocked) “What?”
FRODO: “Yeah, just before we left. She gave me a kiss on the forehead as well as a star-glass I might need.”
LEGOLAS: (shocked) “Really?” (calls; to Galadriel) “Is that true? You’re going out with him?”
Galadriel doesn’t answer as she stands on the river bank.
LEGOLAS: (hopeful) “Do you fancy me?”
LEGOLAS: (gasps; happily) “She fancies me! Aww!” (Pause; spitefully) “Here’s the thing though, lady. I don’t fancy you! I was just playing around with your feelings and using you! Ha-ha! Ha-ha…”
Galadriel turns into her evil green form before Legolas.
LEGOLAS: (terrified; backs down) “Na, na, na! Just joking, just joking, just joking!”
Galadriel reverts back to her normal calm self again.
LEGOLAS: “Can I still get a kiss from you?”
LEGOLAS: (pleased) “Alright!”
With that, Legolas jumps out of his boat and swims over to Galadriel. Once he meets up with her, he receives a quick kiss from her. Legolas soon swims back and rejoins the others, getting back in his boat with Gimli.
LEGOLAS: (happily) “Aww! Love is a very splendid thing! Has anyone else ever fallen in love?”
SAM: “I have!”
LEGOLAS: “With who?”
SAM: “A horse!”
LEGOLAS: (startled) “You fell in love with a horse?!”
SAM: “Yeah, we were about to get married before we parted company at the gates of Moria.”
On the river Anduin, Boromir holds on steady to his boat as he and the others go through some treacherous rapids.
ARAGORN: “Boromir, are you alright?”
BOROMIR: “I’ll be fine. I’m just afraid that I might end up in the river and die. I might end up going over a waterfall if I die.”
GIMLI: “You’re not going to die! Not until you’re about a hundred and twenty.”
ARAGORN: “Anyway, let’s keep going. We’ll…”
Suddenly, each member of the Fellowship screams as their boats go over a huge drop in the rapids. The boats end up splashing in the water. Thankfully all the boats are in one piece, as the Fellowship continue their journey through the river.
ARAGORN: “Is everyone alright?”
MERRY: “Yes, we’re alright, thanks.”
PIPPIN: “Hey, look! Look at Boromir!”
Everyone looks to Boromir who’s fallen unconscious.
SAM: “Oh no! Boromir’s dead!”
LEGOLAS: “No, he’s not. He’s just coming round. He must have fainted.”
Boromir gradually wakes up, feeling dizzy and shaken.
BOROMIR: (dizzy; shaken) “Oh dear! I just had my whole life flash before my eyes!”
Later on, as the Fellowship passes the Argonath, Legolas checks their food supplies.
LEGOLAS: “Hey! Where’s all the food gone?”
Everyone looks at Gimli.
GIMLI: (gulps) “Don’t look at me! I was hungry!”