Day 8 – ‘Bradley’s Basement’s Advent Calendar 2021

Hello everyone! 🙂

Welcome to ‘Bradley’s Basement’ blog and I’m Tim Bradley!

It’s Day 8 of ‘Bradley’s Basement’s Advent Calendar 2021.

It’s time for the final instalment of ‘The Fellowship of the Freak’, as we continue to check out ‘The Lord of the Rings: Comedy Version’ in Chapter 8 today! 🙂

Enjoy!

Check out what Day 8 of my ‘Bradley’s Basement’s Advent Calendars for 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019 and 2020 were about!

Tim. 🙂


Chapter 8
‘The Long Undignified Departure of Boromir’

In the forest of Amon Hen, Aragorn is feeling very sad. A dreadful thing has happened. Legolas and Gimli stand nearby, looking at the dead Boromir.

ARAGORN: (saddened) “Boromir is dead.”

A moment of silence ensues.

GIMLI: (frustrated) “We know! We can see from here! What do we do with him now?”

LEGOLAS: (calmly) “Do we um…do we call the hair salon and give him a haircut for the funeral?”

ARAGORN: “No.”

GIMLI: “Do we eat him?”

ARAGORN: “No.”

LEGOLAS: “Do we hang him up in the trees and let the birds get him?”

ARAGORN: “No.”

GIMLI: “Do we bury him?”

ARAGORN: “No.”

LEGOLAS: “I wonder what the curse of ‘No’ means.”

ARAGORN: “No.”

LEGOLAS: (realises) “The curse of ‘No’!”

ARAGORN: “No.”

LEGOLAS: (cries) “Stop it! Stop it now! Stop it, Aragorn! Stop saying ‘no’!”

ARAGORN: “No.”

LEGOLAS: “Is your name ‘Aragorn’?”

ARAGORN: “No.”

LEGOLAS: “STOP IT!!!”

Legolas slaps Aragorn left and right, snapping him right out of it.

ARAGORN: (startled; realises) “Oh I’m so sorry, guys. Sorry.”

LEGOLAS: “So what do we do with Boromir then? Now that he’s dead.”

GIMLI: “Yeah. What do we do with him?”

A moment of silence ensues.

ARAGORN: “Well, there are so many ways we can get rid of him. We can’t eat him though. Mind you, he would probably be disgusting if we ate him like that.”

LEGOLAS: “Oy! I’m surprised you even considered the thought.”

ARAGORN: “So, I think the only way we can…bring him through is um….err…um…”

GIMLI: “Shall we hit him?”

ARAGORN: “No.”

LEGOLAS: “What time is it?”

ARAGORN: “No.”

LEGOLAS: “STOP IT!!!”

Legolas slaps Aragorn left and right again, snapping him out of it again.

ARAGORN: (startled) “Oh sorry.”

LEGOLAS: “What are we going to do with him?!”

ARAGORN: “I think we should throw him over the waterfall.”

GIMLI: “What?! He said not us to.”

LEGOLAS: “Are you sure?”

GIMLI: “Well, I wasn’t really paying attention.”

LEGOLAS: “Neither was I. I was thinking more about my hair.”

ARAGORN: “Well, I wasn’t really paying much attention either.”

LEGOLAS: “So that’s it then.”

GIMLI: “Okay!”

ARAGORN: “Yes indeed! So come on! Get a boat! Let’s throw him over the waterfall!”


A little while later, Boromir wakes up from the dead as he lies in the boat.

BOROMIR: (shocked) “What?! What?!”

The boat is about to go over the waterfall.

BOROMIR: (shouts) “No! Wait! I TOLD YOU NOT TO THROW ME OVER THE WATERFALL…”

Boromir’s screams fade away as he and the boat go over the waterfall, out of sight and out of mind. Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli faintly hear him scream as he goes over.

ARAGORN: “What did he say?”

LEGOLAS: “He said he told us not to throw him…in the fall.”

ARAGORN: “In the fall. Okay.” (Pause) “Say, let’s see if we can find a spare boat. Did Frodo and Sam take one?”

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