Day 12 – ‘Bradley’s Basement’s Advent Calendar 2021

Hello everyone! 🙂

Welcome to ‘Bradley’s Basement’ blog and I’m Tim Bradley!

It’s Day 12 of ‘Bradley’s Basement’s Advent Calendar 2021.

Let’s check out Chapter 12 of ‘The Lord of the Rings: Comedy Version’, as we continue to go through ‘The Two Twits’ segment of the story. 🙂


Check out what Day 12 of my ‘Bradley’s Basement’s Advent Calendars for 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019 and 2020 were about!

Tim. 🙂

Chapter 12
‘Let’s Get Through These Stinky Marshes with Dead People in Them as Quickly As Possible’

Frodo and Sam follow Gollum, who is their guide to Mordor. They end up walking through the Dead Marshes. Sam steps in something as they walk.

SAM: (shocked) “It’s a bog! He’s led us into a swamp!”

GOLLUM: “Swamp! Yes! Yes! YES!!!!”

Gollum comes too close to Sam once he returns.

SAM: (scared) “Keep away from me!”

GOLLUM: “Come, master! We take you on safe paths through the mist.”

After Frodo fell in the Dead Marshes, he’s rescued by Gollum.

FRODO: (surprised) “Gollum?”

GOLLUM: (annoyed) “Don’t follow the lights! DON’T FOLLOW THE LIGHTS!!! We tolds you not to follow them! But no! NO!!! No-one listens to us!”

Gollum walks, sulking, whilst Sam helps Frodo up to his feet.

Later at night, Frodo talks to Gollum.

FRODO: “You were not so very different from a hobbit once. Were you…Sméagol?”

Gollum looks up slowly.

GOLLUM: (astonished) “What did you call me?”

FRODO: “That was your name once, wasn’t it? A long time ago.”

GOLLUM: (puzzled) “My name. My name! My name?”

As Gollum thinks, realisation slowly dawns.

GOLLUM: (recalls) “S…S… Sméagol.” (Pause) “Yes! I remember now. Sméagol…” (realises) “Wait a minute! I remember you now!”

FRODO: (puzzled) “Pardon?”

GOLLUM: “You poked me in the eye! When we followeds you in Moria!”

FRODO: (realises; laughs nervously) “Err…um…yes. Yes, that’s right. I did do that, didn’t I?”

GOLLUM: (menacingly) “Why did you? Why did you do it? Why did you…?”

Suddenly, they’re interrupted, as piercing cries of the Ringwraiths echo in the sky. This wakes Sam up.

SAM: (annoyed) “Aww, not them again!”

Gollum, Frodo and Sam hide from the Ringwraiths as they’re flying high in the sky on their Fell Beasts.

SAM: “I thought they were dead.”

GOLLUM: “Dead? Dead?! DEAD?!!!”

SAM: “Must you repeat everything three times?”

GOLLUM: (continues) “No, you cannot kill them, no!”

A day or so later, Frodo and Sam make to charge for the Black Gates of Mordor, which are closing, before Gollum stops.

GOLLUM: “NO!!! No, Master! They’ll catch you! They’ll catch you! THEY’LL CATCH YOU!!!”

SAM: (annoyed) “Will you stop saying things three times already?”

Jumping ahead to ‘The Return of the Weirdo’, Gollum leads Frodo and Sam on the path to Minas Morgul.

GOLLUM: “Come! Come! We must go deeper…into Mordor! Into Mordor…”

SAM: (interrupts) “Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. You don’t have to keep telling us for the fifth time.”

GOLLUM: “Must go deeper into Mordor…”

SAM: “See, now he says it for the sixth time.”

GOLLUM: “Must go deeper into Mordor…”

SAM: “Now the seventh time.”

GOLLUM: “Must go deeper into Mordor…”

SAM: “Now the eight.”

GOLLUM: “Must go deeper into Mordor…”

SAM: (loses it) “NINTH!!!”

GOLLUM: “Must go deeper into Mordor…”

SAM: (shouts) “WILL YOU SHUT UP?!!!”

GOLLUM: “Must go deeper into Mordor…”

Eventually, Sam gives up.

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