Hello everyone! 🙂
Welcome to ‘Bradley’s Basement’ blog and I’m Tim Bradley!
It’s Day 21 of ‘Bradley’s Basement’s Advent Calendar 2021.
Let’s check out another chapter in ‘The Lord of the Rings: Comedy Version’ today! It’s time for Chapter 21, as we venture further into ‘The Return of the Wierdo’! 🙂
‘Éowyn fights the Witch-King with his dumb Fell-Beast’
At the battle of the Pelennor Fields, the Rohirrim continue to fight the Mûmakil.
ROHAN SOLDIER: (shouts) “King Théoden! Look up! Look up there!”
THÉODEN: (dismissively) “Oh shut up! I know where to look! I know that nothing’s going to happen to me! NOTHING’S GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME…”
Suddenly, Théoden and his horse Snowmane are caught up by the Witch-King and his Fell-Beast. The Fell-Beast catches them in its mouth and throws them both down. Théoden ends up on the ground underneath his horse.
THÉODEN: (annoyed) “Oww! That hurt!”
ROHAN SOLDIER: “I did warn you.”
THÉODEN: (annoyed; dismissively) “Shut up!”
Meanwhile, the Witch-King and his Fell-Beast move towards Théoden under the stricken horse.
WITCH-KING: “Feast on his flesh!”
Théoden looks up from the ground, unable to move as he’s trapped under his horse. The Fell-Beast moves towards him, but Éowyn moves in front of Théoden to protect him.
ÉOWYN: “I will kill you if you touch him!”
WITCH-KING: (scoffs) “Oh, you, kill me?” (laughs; to Fell-Beast) “Eat her, or him, or it. I don’t really care.”
The Fell-Beast sniffs and looks away, distracted and not paying attention.
WITCH-KING: (annoyed) “EAT IT!!!”
The Fell-Beast lunges forwards, but she kills him instantly, cutting off its head.
WITCH-KING: “You stupid creature!”
The Fell-Beast falls down dead and the Witch-King turns towards Éowyn as she picks up a wooden shield and approaches him.
WITCH-KING: (angrily) “That pet cost me 50 Gold! I had to feed him Pedigree every day!” (Pause) “Now you shall feel the fury of my fur ball!”
Éowyn gasps once she sees his massive mace.
WITCH-KING: “And my sword!”
With that, the Witch-King swings his mace at her, but misses.
ÉOWYN: “You’re a rubbish hitter, you know that.”
The Witch-king continues swinging the mace at her, but she manages to avoid it several times. Eventually, he manages to hit her, shattering her shield and breaking her arm. Éowyn falls to the ground.
WITCH-KING: (gloats) “Ha, ha, I won!”
A while later on the battlefield, Éowyn looks up at the Witch-King, as he grabs her by the throat and lifts her up.
WITCH-KING: “You fool! No man can kill me! Die now!”
Merry manages to crawl behind unnoticed, as he stabs the Witch-King in the back. Merry cries out in pain and holds his arm, which stabbed the Witch-King.
WITCH-KING: “Another stupid creature.”
Éowyn meanwhile removes her helmet before the Witch-King.
ÉOWYN: “I am no man!”
WITCH-KING: (panics) “No, no! Please don’t!”
But Éowyn thrusts her sword into the space in the Witch-King’s helmet. It sparks and he roars, as the sword flies back out. Éowyn falls to the floor as the Witch-King folds in on himself.
WITCH-KING: (screams) “YOU STUPID SON OF A WITCH!!!!!”
Eventually, he disappears.
Elsewhere on the battlefield, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli and the Army of the Dead fight against the forces of Mordor.
ARAGORN: (cries) “Legolas! Look up there!”
They all look to see a Mûmakil coming straight towards them.
GIMLI: “Oh don’t worry! I’ll get rid of it!”
Gimli manages to charge up and get on top of the Mûmakil, only to fall off and scream as he does so.
LEGOLAS: (sighs) “I’ll get rid of it!”
With that, Legolas runs up towards the Mûmakil and sorts it out.